Comments on: Why Do Birth Contacts Cut Off Contact in Open Adoption?

By: Jenna Hatfield

Jenna Hatfield — Sat, 03 Feb 2007 13:26:03 +0000

Yep. I made a promise to the Munchkin to always be readily available even though she was too young (as in less than a day) to understand the promise. Not one to break promises, I am always there even if it is emotionally draining.

By: Faith Allen

Faith Allen — Sat, 03 Feb 2007 00:12:17 +0000

I wonder this about my son's birthmother. In our case, it was a semi-open adoption with one-way communication. I would send her pictures and letters twice a year through the agency. She moved and left no forwarding address.

I have no way of knowing why she did not give the agency her new address. My best guess is that it was painful for her to see the pictures and read about his life. I still write her the letters and set aside the pictures, but now they are just in a drawer in my house. If she chooses to contact the agency, I will forward the pictures and letters on to her. If she never asks for them, then I will give them to my son when he turns 18.

I respect her right to read or not read the letters. It just saddens me because I really hoped that seeing how happy he is would be a healing balm to her. Even though the communication was only one way, I still felt a connection with her. I was sad to see it go.

- Faith

By: lahdh4

lahdh4 — Fri, 02 Feb 2007 06:33:45 +0000

I have to agree with Jan. Sometimes staying in touch is just so physically, and emotionally painful that walking away is a way to protect yourself.

By: Jan Baker

Jan Baker — Fri, 02 Feb 2007 05:14:48 +0000

Birth parents do have responsibilies to their children. However, some birth parents feel that they have little value to their children. The only birth parents who I have ever actually been in contact with that cut-off contact did so to survive – staying in touch was too painful. I have a post in the works on this subject.

By: Theresa

Theresa — Fri, 02 Feb 2007 04:48:27 +0000

One of our birthmoms is "too busy" - she has "other things that have taken that time in my life" (in this case, I fear that "other things" may definitely not be good)

One of our other birthmoms has an ongoing fear that it is not healthy for the children to have two moms. I try to give her my input, which is entirely the opposite. But, she is convinced that it is unhealthy for them and best if she reduce contact (she no longer has actual contact with the kids - but we do still send her photos).

Not being a birthmom, I can't really say. I only know what those two birthmoms have told me. Others are in line with your ideas that you posted. And two are wonderfully involved.

Thanks for your continued insights!