At a certain point after the adoption is finalized, not every waking moment is consumed with a hyphenated thought – you know: post-adoption, adoption-related, birth-mother…In other words, life begins to take on a “normal” timbre – whatever “normal” is. Your children are just that – yours – and you begin mentally dropping those “adopted child,” “biological child” labels. Not that those labels meant you loved your child(ren) any more or less – but for a certain period of time, you had to make a mental shift – an adjustment in thinking. With a spouse, there was a period of courtship, where the idea of marriage and spending a life together germinated for awhile, typically speaking. With a biological child, you have approximately nine months to get used to the idea of a new little person, and during those nine months, you feel that life growing within you (or your spouse witnesses such). Additionally, during this time, your new little life begins to get used to life with you – hearing your voice, being soothed by the rhythm of your movements, etc.

All of this flies contrary to what happens with adoptive families. Many times the parents never meet the child before the adoption and vice-versa. You may be fortunate enough to have a correspondence of sorts if the child is older; or a correspondence with a caretaker or birth-parent. The adoptive and birth-families have the opportunity to “grow into” the idea of adoption. But that still isn’t the same as life day in and day out with someone new to you! Generally speaking, we don’t normally invite someone we’ve just met to come and live with us; but in adoption, many times that’s exactly what we do!

We then have to assimilate and graft and re-create this new entity called a family, many times while still following a day-to-day routine. Thus, my premise: at a certain point, life falls into what feels “normal” and you can actually go for large chunks of time without thinking about adoption at all. The kids “feel” like your own, and life moves forward.

We’ve reached this point now with our children. Though the children still have issues to work out from their pre-adoptive life, that will be their life-long work, and isn’t a specter to be dealt with on a daily basis – though we’re prepared to do it if necessary and aren’t being “Pollyanna-ish” about it. It’s just nice to have the completely naturally affectionate relationships we have – you know, without feeling strained or awkward in any way. It’s great to have my kids call me, “Mama” without thinking about it, or vacillating between it and “Miss Marie.” Our friends don’t bring up the issue anymore, as though they’ve all moved on from yesterday’s news and view us as “just another family.” We just go about our daily routine in homeschool, church, and life. We’re “just” a family – and it feels great!