e-mail
Part 3 of 4
In the previous two posts, I addressed questions first/birth parents ask when meeting prospective adoptive parents:
How do you define open adoption?
What is your commitment to openness, and why?
Are you willing to sign an agreement to that effect, and to seek mediation if things break down?
In an open adoption, what will we call the various grandparents?
Today, I’ll address the issue of what to call the first/birth mother.
What will I be called?
Similar to the grandparent question, first/birth parents should have a say in what they wish to be called. Most of the birth parents I’ve met prefer that their child call them by their first name.
Some ask to be called “Mommy so-and-so,” which causes consternation among some adoptive moms who fear that their child will be “confused” about who the “real” mom is (in reality, kids are rarely as confused about this issue as the parents are and both moms are the “real” moms).
Other adoptive parents are completely comfortable referring to their child’s first mother as “Mom.”
What about the spouses of the birth parents? What should we call them?
When our oldest son’s birth mom married someone other than his birth father, we all decided that her hubby needed a title other than “that-guy-Ben’s-birthmom-married.” It needed to be something fun, because he’s a fun-loving guy. We (and by “we,” I mean our son’s birth mom and us) dubbed him “step birth dad” and it stuck.
It kind of fits, too. He isn’t Ben’s birth dad, but since he’s been around most of Ben’s life, Ben assumed he was his birth father for quite some time. He’s a great friend to both our boys and treats them like kings. He takes them to Monster Truck shows and 4-wheeling in the mud – what more could a boy ask for? So, of course this VIP in our family needed an honorary title. He seems to enjoy it and we all share a little chuckle when we try to explain it to people.
