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Just as you build a relationship with a natural child in utero, by talking to your child and other things, you can build a relationship with your child(ren) before they reach your home through adoption. Depending on the type of adoption and where you are adopting from, doing a few or all of the following may help to build a relationship and ease transition issues:
• Make a scrapbook: You can scrapbook your daily life; pictures of your home; the child(ren)’s room; where you worship; and friends/family that you interact with on a regular basis – anything that can help give them an idea of what life will be like with you.
• Call: This may not always be feasible if you are pursuing an international adoption, but if this is an option available to you, it is a wonderful opportunity to bond! The phone calls alone have helped us bond tremendously with our children. They ask to speak to each of us individually, and love telling us little tidbits about what is going on in their lives.
• Take pictures: Similar to scrapbooking, pictures can help show bits of your daily life. I recently got a SUV and I sent a picture of it, because I know how much my son loves trucks! When I spoke with them this past week, they mentioned it, and my daughter even remembered the name we gave our truck (“Cherry” because she is red!). They also ask their foster mom to send pictures to us. They recently went on a trip and my daughter asked her, out of the blue, to send us pictures of their trip.
• Share special days: We sent a package for my son’s fourth birthday (which included a gift for his sister, with a letter explaining the tradition in our family that everyone in our household gets a small gift on birthdays). They sent us Valentines they had made on Valentine’s Day. It has been fun exchanging these mementos on special days!
Again, depending on the type of adoption you are pursuing, and the age of your child(ren), these tips can help forge a relationship before your child arrives in your home, and can acclimate them to life with you.
