This is the fourth post in a series that examines the book, Two Little Girls: A Memoir of Adoption, by Theresa Reid


There is choice in adoption. When you receive a referral for a child or hear the news that a pregnant woman is interested in getting to know you, you’re faced with making a choice: Do I accept the referral or do I turn it down?

Theresa Reid recounts the first time she was faced with making this choice:

Arlene [their case worker] told us that we had a couple days to make our decision. That there was absolutely no pressure to say yes to this child. (Even though she was the princess of the orphanage; even though she had been picked especially for us.) That people say “no” for all kinds of reasons, no questions asked. One person, she told us, declined a referral because the child reminded her of a hated former roommate. Fine. You have to feel good about it. It’s chemistry. No one can explain it. Don’t worry about it. There’ll be another child is t his one’s not for you. Your child is out there.

But this reassurance does not calm us in the least. Because planted in this permission to refuse a referral is the assumption that we will know when to refuse and when to accept—just know in our guts. Many times, at meetings and gatherings for adoptive families and prospective parents, we had heard adoptive parents tell stories of “love at first sight” that told them they had found the right child for them.

People love this “love at first sight” myth. It takes choice away: It means that the thing is destined…We hadn’t loved each other at first sight. We had needed considerable experience together before we found ourselves in love. Life had taught us that guts are important; it had also taught us that guts can be wrong. But how on earth were we supposed to figure out, in seventy-two hours, from photographs, whether or not this child, born of other people, should be our own?

Readers, what do you think?

Is the adoption referral a matter of fate, destiny, God’s will, or random chance?

Did you get any “vibes” about whether your referral was right for you?

How did you know, one way or the other?

Is “love at first sight” a myth?

Other posts in this series:

Part 1: Book Review: Two Little Girls: A Memoir of Adoption by Theresa Reid.


Part 2: Reid’s desire to adopt a healthy infant.

Part 3: Reid’s decision to adopt internationally.

Coming Next:

Part 5: Reid’s motives for adopting a second child.

For more about Two Little Girls, visit http://theresareidbooks.com.