Recently, I blogged about the fact that my oldest has been asking to do more things independently online. One of my suggestions was to educate your child about your internet usage rules, but that advice can be expanded to apply to any "sensitive topic."

That said, here are some tips for handling “difficult conversations”:

• Pray: Ask that God give you wisdom, courage and that your child will have an open and receptive heart.

• Be age-appropriate: Always remember your child’s age and handle information based on what he will be able to realistically take in. “Where do babies come from?” doesn’t necessarily entail a detailed discussion of the female reproductive system for your kindergartner! Sometimes parents launch into discussions, and overlook the simple answer the child is looking for! For younger children, simple concepts are best, such as “Mommies have seeds and Daddies have seeds. When their seeds join together, it creates a baby that will grow inside the mother’s tummy in a special place called a uterus.” Make sure you use words appropriate to your child’s age and stage of development and follow up by asking if your child understood what you said.

• Get help from the experts: Your librarian can help you locate age-appropriate materials, as can your pediatrician. You can give factual information and still be true to the core values your family has. Get help from a trusted adult friend or member of your system of faith. There are also wonderful books written for parents struggling with these issues (see bibliography below).

• It's okay to say, "I don't know": Don’t “fake it”. If you honestly don’t know the answer to something, it's alright to say so. But, don't just leave it there! Tell your child that you’ll find the answers and be sure to follow up and give the information requested.

• Be your child’s first line of defense: Kids often hear “sensitive information” from peers, with their peers’ world view. Often this is because parents are hesitant, reluctant, scared, or just not sure how to go about imparting the information. Don’t let your children hear this information from others first. Be your child’s first teacher. They will learn that you are a source to be trusted, and will seek you out when there are more questions, rather than peers whose pressure to “try” sex, drugs or alcohol you want to countermand.

• Don’t talk down to your child: Kid’s know when they are being patronized. Children are much more savvy than most adults give them credit for. Be honest and straightforward and you will gain their trust and respect.

• Veer out of your comfort zone: You will have to discuss things you aren’t comfortable with. Get your mind around that fact before you need to have a talk with your child about sensitive issues. You may need to practice in front of a mirror or role-play with an equally uncomfortable parent (be it spouse or another friend). Writing down your thoughts may help you visualize what you want to say or help you order and organize your thoughts.

• Find good printed resources: Find a trusted source of information to leave with your child to read on his/her own (for kids who are readers already).

• Keep the lines of communication open: Don’t think, “Whew! That’s over!” It may just be the beginning. Be open to more questions, and let your child know the door is always open to further communication on the subject.

Having “The Talk” or any talk shouldn’t be something that reduces you to fits of anxiety. Look at them as opportunities to bond with your child and use them as vehicles to deepen communication for the years to follow.

Bibliography *:

Preparing Your Son For Every Man's Battle - Steven Arterburn
I think the book is a little salacious in parts, but has some sound ideas, and provides a basic script that can be customized.

Preparing Your Daughter For Every Woman's Battle - Shannon Ethridge
I haven't read it yet, as my daughter is only six, but it's the companion to the book above, which I have read. If it is anything like it, it's a good starting point to help craft and guide your conversations.

Preparing for Adolescence - James Dobson
I've only read excerpts of the book, but Dr. Dobson is a perennial favorite when it comes to advice on relating to our children.

* Even within the spectrum of Christianity, there are differeing beliefs about core issues such as salvation, etc. Thus, each parent must evaluate these materials carefully to ensure they are in harmony with Scripture.

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