I am a firm believer that Christian parents should be the first to discuss sexual matters with their children. Children will pick up this information in one way or another, and I believe it is best they hear the Christian perspective on the beautiful gifts sex and our bodies are, before they hear it from the world and the spin they put on it.

Having said that, I also believe there is a time and a place for it. Often, the conversation is “forced” to appear before the parent is ready because our children were exposed to something inappropriate on television, or because the child’s friend tells them something that they then check out with us, as parents. Sometimes, sadly, we talk about sex with our kids because someone has acted inappropriately with them, whether it is another child or an adult.

Depending upon the age of the child, there are a few ways that you can introduce the topic of our bodies and the gift they are from God:

Name body parts: When diapering or bathing, name your child’s body parts (all of them, not just the ones relating to reproduction). Experts suggest naming them accurately, rather than “cutesy” names, though I’d guess many of us are guilty of that at times!

Educate: In our family, we talk about what “private parts” are. Further, we talk about who might need to see/touch them and under what circumstances. For example, a doctor might need to check our body parts to make sure that they are healthy and growing properly; or if our body parts hurt, a doctor might need to examine them to see why. Mommy and Daddy will see your body parts if we help you bathe or dress. Along with this type of educating goes the discussion about appropriate and inappropriate touches, and what that means. Because my children are pretty young, I’ve told them that along with doctors and Mommy and Daddy, some day they will get married and only that person may touch a private place because God gave us bodies to enjoy each other in that special married relationship.

Communication: I’ve told my children that in our family, we don’t use the word “secret.” Further, the only time that it’s ever permissible to say, “you can’t tell” is in the context of using the word “surprise” as it relates to a birthday present, etc. If anyone ever tells the children “not to tell” they must tell an adult. They also have permission to run away from an adult that asks them to keep touches or other private issues (or anything that makes them uncomfortable), and they will not get into trouble for doing so. We do stress that if we are not around when this happens, they should find a trusted adult (a mommy with children, a female store clerk, etc.), so that someone can know where they are.

Resources: There are tons of books on child safety. There are some that are just for adults; some that are just for children; and a few that I have seen that are meant for adults and children to read together. The reference librarian in the children’s section should be able to point out a few of these books to you. Additionally, Carolyn Nystrom has written a series of four age-appropriate books in her God’s Design for Sex series (for children in preschool through age 14).

For more on this topic, see:

Sexual abuse articles at AdoptionBlogs.com


Children as perpetrators