Talking About Adoption in Middle School

As our kids have gotten older, I’ve encouraged them to decide for themselves when and if they want to reveal the fact that they were adopted at school.

A couple of months ago, I was the guest speaker in my son’s 7th grade writing class. My mission: to talk about my career as a freelance writer – a career in which I specialize in writing about adoption issues.

I approached my son and asked, “Do you feel comfortable with me revealing that you were adopted?”

He said, “Yeah. Sure. You can tell them. Maybe it will make me more popular” (typical response from a newly minted middle-schooler).

When I arrived on the scene, the class was doing their “Monday Report,” in which each student briefly rated their weekend on a scale of 1-10 and explained why.” My son said, “It was a 10 because I got to spend the weekend with my birth mom.”

His teacher stared hard at him. Glanced at me. Then moved on to the next person. After class, she told me that she had been fascinated by his comment and had I not been there, waiting for my guest-speaking stint to begin, she would have followed up with him in much more detail. The teacher and I then sat and chatted about adoption for half an hour.

I realize our family has it easy, because we somewhat resemble each other. But what about families who adopt children of a different race? Here are some of the comments adoptive parents and their children might receive:

What language do you speak?
Where are you from?
How come you don’t look like your mom/dad?
How much did your parents pay for you?
Were you abandoned?
Where are your “real” parents?

What are some of the questions you or your child has been asked and how do you respond to them?

Have you ever had any negative experiences when sharing about adoption with a teacher? If so, how did you handle the situation?

Under what circumstances should a parent/child inform the school about a child’s adoption?

Are there situations in which a parent should not discuss his or her child’s adoption at school?

What are some ways you have successfully educated your child’s teacher(s) to become more sensitive to the adopted children in his or her classroom?

Let’s get some dialog going, folks. Please add your comments, below, or e-mail me at christianadoptionblog@adoptionmail.com.