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Tonight I am sitting here frustrated and overwhelmed by my oldest son, T. Lately he has been reverting back to behaviors he had when he first arrived in our home nearly 14 months ago. He is up at night, wandering the house, doing everything he can to wake me up. He says that he wants me to pay more attention to him. Pay more attention to me is T’s mantra. He always wants me to pay more attention to him and any attention I pay to anyone else is proof that I don’t pay enough attention to him. I just don’t know what to do. So I pray.
I know that so many of you reach your point of frustration and anger. We all arrive at places where we don’t have any idea what to do next. Often, in those moments, we find ourselves thinking that we can’t do this anymore. We wonder when the behavior will end. When will reactive attachment disorder go away? When will all their diagnoses go away? When will they just be the children we are so desperately trying to mold them into?
As I search for words to calm my soul and encourage me to keep fighting the good fight, I am reminded of the staying power of our Lord, Jesus. Unlike me, he doesn’t ever get to a point where He is fed up and feels like He can’t deal with us anymore. He watches, ever present, as I wander in and out of close relationship with Him. He watches as I put my priority on some other thing and He waits. He knows that He has adopted me as His child and that isn’t something one goes back on. So He waits. He has the ultimate staying power with me. There isn’t a thing I can do that would make him walk away from me. He will always be happy to see me, to hear my voice. I know He does this for me and for my relationship with Him but maybe He also does this for my relationship with T. Like any parent, He knows that He must lead me by His own example. How He treats and loves me is how I must treat and love my children.
I know I cannot be perfect, like Christ. I can choose to live by His example and strive for His ways. I can be encouraged by His word and know that no matter how tired I am or frustrated I get, He hasn’t left me and His strength will bring me to where I need to be to care for T. Through prayer, I can help my child to succeed and to live outside of fear. Through prayer, I can help myself, be encouraged, and learn to live outside of anger.
If you are frustrated today and your child seems to be heading backward rather than forward, find yourself on your knees in front of the Master of staying power. He hasn’t gone anywhere and He can help you stay the course with your children.
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