Part 3 of 5

In the previous two posts in this series, we’ve been exploring some questions that readers have about open and closed adoption. Today we’ll look at birth parent-adoptee relationships.

One of my readers recently commented, “I think that adopted kids should be able to have a life also with their birth parents.”

As an adoptive mother involved in an open adoption with two sets of birth parents, I see the benefits of my kids “having a life” with their birth parents. They don’t live with their birth parents and their birth parents don’t express a desire to take on a parenting role, but they are very much in their lives.

Our oldest son, for instance, looks forward to his annual school-clothes shopping trip with his birth mom. He enjoys occasional overnighters at her home and he delights in playing with his two little half-sisters.

Our younger son’s birth parents live farther away, so we don’t see them often. But we keep in touch, and our son always has the sense that his birth parents are rooting for him. He, too, enjoys visits with his young sister and brother. Our son also regularly visits with one set of his biological grandparents, and thinks that they are just about the neatest people on the face of the earth (and they are!).

If the birth and adoptive families are willing to work together to create something positive and life-affirming on the behalf of the adopted child, open adoption can be a very healthy way to approach adoption. The key phrase here is “work together.” If either party isn’t willing or able to make a long-term commitment to be present in one another’s lives, open adoption isn’t going to work very effectively.

Readers, what do you think?

In the next post: What if an adopted person in a closed adoption locates his or her birth mother, and is disappointed?