Part 2 of 3

In the previous post, I reviewed Nancy London’s book for first-time moms over forty, Hot Flashes, Warm Bottles. Today, we’ll look at some common-senses reminders from the book that all parents will find helpful.

Set clear-cut, well-established limits. Doing so provides “the means by which we can meet our own needs without having to resort to erratic, unpredictable behavior,” writes Nancy London. She recommends sitting down with your family and establishing times of the day or night when mommy takes time for herself. “Instead of a child thinking that she must have done something wrong for mommy to go away behind a closed door, he or she can begins seeing this as normal, predictable behavior.”

Create a parenting style that builds in adult time and interests from the beginning. “A major part of the developmental task for a child is learning to live with a certain amount of distress when they don’t always get their own way,” writes London. When kids are given a clear message that mom loves them a lot, but has a life of their own, they are highly adaptable.

When we don’t set limits with out children, we lose our patience and yell. Then we feel resentful and frustrated. And then we’re overcome with remorse. So pay attention to your internal radar, recommends London. Listen to the cues your body gives you when you’re about to blow your lid. In the cool of the moment, set a healthy limit so that you can get your own needs met rather than exploding and then feeling guilty about it.

Devise strategies to cope with fatigue. “I can’t believe how tired I am all the time,” is a complaint midlife moms commonly have. Midlife moms are prone to memory lapses, fuzzy thinking, and lack of concentration.

“Not only is there a biochemical component to the fatigue at midlife, there is the additional exponential factor that comes from always being on call,” writes London. “You can’t follow the body’s imperative to rest if it’s time to pick your child up from school or cook dinner.”

Feeling too tired to play with your child can be a great disappointment—not only to your child, but also to yourself. “Fortunately, children care more about you being with them than they do about whether you’re sitting up or lying down,” writes London. She recommends that you play “lying down” games: reading together, playing cards together, watching movies together.

London also recommends that perimenopausal women read up on their nutritional needs and boost their vitamin and mineral intake.