Growing up, I struggled with depression and poor self-image. I had chronically low self-esteem. Yet, I was in the Gifted and Talented Education (GATE) program at just about every school I attended,. I was called a beauty. I was a cheerleader; captain of my debate team as well as president of the French Club. But, I hated myself. Self-loathing that I cannot adequately put into words.

True, I had mental health conditions such as depression and ADD (though at the time, undiagnosed). But it wasn’t until I became a Christian, that I could see my worth. And, even now, I still struggle with self-esteem, but I know I can read God’s Word and know that He felt I was worth sending His Son to die for.

Many times our children come to us feeling much the same as I did as a child. How do we take that fragile ego, and help it to see it has intrinsic worth and value?

Unconditional love: Not a tolerance for sin; but a knowledge that no matter what our child may do, we will always love him or her; just as God loves us unconditionally, though we sin and sin again.

Give them something to excel at: My daughter has her singing and ballet classes. These are areas in which she can shine and express herself through God-given talents. We can nurture these talents and help our children to see they have gifts.

God’s word: The Bible is filled with messages of unconditional love. I used to tell my mother that she “had to love me” because she was my mom. God didn’t even have to create us! But He did, and did so because He loves us.

Praise: “Experts” debate the role of praise. Some say kids get too much, and it’s artificial. Some say kids need it. Don’t invent reasons to praise, but an old expression I learned during my schooling to become an Early Childhood Educator was, “catch them doing good!” If you see your child doing or saying something praiseworthy, by all means praise them!

Let them help: It may not look like how it would if you did it, but let them help. It’s how they learn new responsibilities, and they do often enjoy helping.

Allow them their emotions: Many times we dismiss legitimate feelings. Yeah, sometimes our kids may get down in the dumps, but don’t downplay how they feel. They need to work through their emotions. If they persist, then, maybe professional help is needed. But, barring that, let your child grieve losses, be genuinely sad about something, or whatever it is they are feeling. Shooing away their feelings says that you don’t value those emotions, and don’t trust them to be in tune with themselves. You don’t have to agree with their feeling, and you certainly don’t have to “fix” them - just let them feel them for awhile, and often they will pass. If they get “stuck,” then step in.

These aren’t “cure-alls” but they can go a long way in helping our children to learn better self-esteem!