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You would have to be the most isolated of hermits not to have heard the recent hoopla surrounding heiress Paris Hilton. However much media saturation she has received, I’ve heard almost as much about her permissive, over-indulgent parents. Whenever there is a tragedy, such as school shootings, or something just plain “outta whack,” as is the case of late with young Hollywood, we often look to the parents.
Why is that?
Parents are uniquely positioned to offer guidance, boundaries and a philosophical or ideological construct for children until they are able to do so for themselves. When parents fail to do this, or send mixed messages, children flounder. Are kids doomed to a therapist’s couch conjuring up Mother forever? I’m not saying that children don’t have personal responsibility for their own actions at some point, but parents need to provide the example and moral foundation for their children. If children reject that, it’s their choice, but parents have a God-given command to “bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4), and are held accountable for adhering to that charge or not.
Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, Lindsey Lohan … their mothers have all been front and center, just as much as these girls themselves. Rosie O’Donnell is in a bit of a flap resulting from her decision to let her daughter play dress-up as a guerrilla complete with ammo band. This is the same woman who, years ago on her much touted “Queen of Nice” television program, reamed Tom Selleck for his stance on gun control, and announced that the events of Columbine had caused her to spiral into depression. Inconsistent message? You betcha! And it makes my point. Take a stand for something! Believe it! Teach it! Yet, you’d better be prepared to live it, too.
No, parents are not perfect. We do make mistakes. But my point is, make the effort. Talk to your kids about your values. Don’t be afraid to tackle controversial topics. If you make a mistake – here’s a novel idea – apologize! But don’t shy away from letting your children know where you stand on issues, and don’t be afraid to discipline. Our society treats discipline as a bad word. It comes from the word “disciple” which basically means you do indoctrinate your child, whatever your belief system. It gives them the opportunity to have boundaries and a framework from which to explore the world. They can be free to bounce new ideas against this framework to see if it fits. They can’t do this if we as parents don’t take a lead in boldly providing this for them.
As parents, we do embrace individuality in our children. But that isn’t cultivated in a vacuum. It’s cultivated by sound teaching, dialog and courage:
Only be strong and very courageous; be careful to do according to all the law which Moses My servant commanded you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, so that you may have success wherever you go. (Joshua 1:7)
