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Last night, I decided to reread “a shepherd looks at PSALM 23,” by Phillip Keller from an adoptive parent of traumatized children perspective. Funny, how each time we read a story we pick up something new, depending on where we are in life. I’d like to share an excerpt with you that reminded me of the dynamics in my family, particularly of my adopted children who were previously traumatized.
In chapter three, the shepherd is explaining the strange behavior of his flock. This chapter is based on part of verse two, “He maketh me to lie down in green pastures…”
“This continuous conflict and jealousy within the flock can be a most detrimental thing. The sheep become edgy, tense, disconnected, and restless. They lose weight and become irritable.
But one point that always interested me very much was that whenever I came into view and my presence attracted their attention, the sheep quickly forgot their foolish rivalries and stopped their fighting. The shepherd’s presence made all the difference in their behavior.”
I have mentioned before, in my blogs, about my daughters’ behavior when I am not home. When I walk out the door, it is almost as if someone flips a switch for them. Things they would never consider doing when I am at home suddenly occur to them and they immediately act on those impulses.
One reader suggested that this had to do with their ability to self-regulate. This is a result of their previous trauma. The reader suggested calling the girls frequently on the phone when I am out. This, she suggested, would calm them and help them to realize that I am still available and will return home soon. This seems to work if I call the girls. However, if I ask the girls to call me, they won’t do it.
While we, adoptive parents of traumatized children, understand that we are not the cause of this erratic behavior, it can be frustrating at times to live with. The children do not understand their own behavior, so they are unable to explain it when questioned. I read a chapter in the book that spoke of brokenness and it reminded me why our children sometimes act as they do.
In chapter four, Keller theme completes verse two, “He leadeth me beside the still waters.”
“The ancient prophet Jeremiah put it very bluntly when he declared, “My people…they have forsaken me the fountain of living waters, and hewed them out cisterns, broken cisterns that can hold no water.” (Jeremiah 2:13)
It is a compelling picture. It is an accurate portrayal of broken lives – of shattered hopes – of barren souls that are dried up and parched and full of dust and despair.”
A broken cistern, a broken vessel is a wonderful analogy of a broken life. Some of these older adopted children arrive with barren souls, full of dust and despair. They have been subjected to trauma that ultimately caused their brokenness. We, the adoptive parents, come into their lives to offer hope, repair the cracks, and try to fill the void.
Chapter four continues with a message of hope.
“And amid all this chaos of a confused, sick society, Christ comes quietly as of old, and invites us to come to Him. He invites us to follow Him. He invites us to put our confidence in Him.”
Personally, I don’t know how we could have survived 14 years of parenting traumatized children, without Christ in our lives. There have been many days and nights that prayer and our hope in eternity got us through.
Photo Credit Julia Fuller 2008
a shepherd looks at PSALM 23 by Phillip Keller
Zondervan Publishing House, Grand Rapids, Michigan 1970
