In the previous post I shared Rich Mintzer’s definition of open adoption, based on an article he wrote for Achieving Families magazine (formerly Infertility Times), May 2005.

Mintzer reiterates some of the points I’ve been stressing the past week, emphasizing the need for establishing boundaries within an open adoption relationship.

“It is so important that birth parents and adoptive parents understand their roles and maintain those roles.”
-Brenda Romanchik (birth mother and executive director of Insight: Open Adoption Resources and Support.

Sophia Rozia, Program Director of Special Needs Adoption Program for Kinship Center Statewide in California, believes that the boundaries should be flexible. She says:

“If you as adoptive parents are open to the idea of meeting birth parents and have done whatever you could do to keep that door open, then you have an open adoption. If birth parents find it too painful to be involved with the child, the best you can do is to leave the door open so that they can make contact should they wish to.”

Mintzer explains problems that can impact the open adoption experience:

“Preconceived notions, fears and lack of open and honest communication can wreak havoc when two families are brought together in this lifelong triad.

Situations often arise in which birth parents and adoptive parents do not see eye-to-eye on what is right and wrong, proper and improper, regarding how the child should be raised. Religion can also become a point of contention. As birth and adoptive parents grow and change over the years, their perceived roles can also change.

Add to all of these potential problems, the fact that people outside of the triad, including friends and families, will try hard to pull each side away, and you’ve got a lot of work cut out for you to make a fully open adoption work.”

In some senses, I agree with Mintzer. Open adoption is work. But any relationship is fraught with potential problems; open adoption just presents a different set of complex issues. Open adoption can and does work for many families, providing all parties are deeply committed to making it work.

Other posts in this series:

Part 1: Maintaining Your Open Adoption Communication Agreement

Part 2: Problems That Arise Between Birth/Adoptive Parents in Open Adoption

Part 3: The Adoption Power Shift


Part 4: Three Ways to Develop Healthy Relationships in Open Adoption

Part 5: Why Do Birth Contacts Cut Off Contact in Open Adoption?

Part 6: Open Adoption: What Would Jesus Say?

Part 7: What, exactly, IS open adoption?