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I’ve been devouring books by Deborah D. Gray. I bought her Attaching in Adoption awhile back, based on the phenomenal reviews I got online and from people I knew. Because I had so many other books that were recommended to me, in addition to all the pre-adoption preparation I was going though at the time, I set the book aside.
This week, I came across Ms. Gray’s latest book, Nurturing Adoptions, and I snapped it up. Hubby and I feel at such a loss as to how to handle the profound issues our daughter has, and this book seemed to have answers. It does not duplicate her earlier work, but does reference it, thus I’ve got both books next to my bed and I toggle back and forth between them at night when I read.
Attaching in Adoption is a groundbreaking work, widely referenced in the adoption community. Its audience is primarily the layperson parent. Nurturing Adoptions is more a textbook for adoption professionals. Though my background is in Early Childhood Education, and I dabbled with the idea of going into clinical psychology, I’m reading the book as a parent looking for answers. That I “get” the scholarly research behind the book is a very nice bonus, but at the end of the day (literally), I’m a mama desperately searching out anything that might provide some immediate tools until the therapy our daughter is receiving “kicks in,” so to speak.
Both books provide practical tools for parents like me. Nurturing Adoptions is broken down into two parts – the “Why” and the “What to Do.” Attaching in Adoption provides answers to the “Whys” interspersed with vignettes that just about any adoptive parent could relate to, regardless of the issue(s) their children struggle with. These little scenarios made me see that there are other parents who are dealing with similar issues; that those issues can be dealt with successfully; and knowing these things, I can hang in there a little longer because I have a few tools to get me to the next therapy appointment.
The books are highly readable, and even though Nurturing Adoptions is geared toward the advance-degreed, I never felt that the author was speaking over my head. I think both books offer practical tips and solid research. Of all the adoption books I’ve read thus far, these two top my list.
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I’d also encourage you to check out “Beyond Consequences, Logic and Control” by Heather Forbes and Bryan Post and “The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog” by Dr. Bruce Perry.
Good luck!
I second the “Beyond Consequences..” recommendation. It’s a very loving, and not easy – as loving seldom is – approach to the most severe behavior problems. Praying for you all.
Michele
Thank you, my2rubies and Michele! I couldn’t find Beyond Consequences at a local bookstore, so I ordered it online & should be getting it sometime next week. Thanks for the suggestion!