Book Review: So You want to adopt…Now What?: A Practical Guide for Navigating the Adoption Process

Sara Dormon is a clinical psychologist who counsels women who face unplanned pregnancies and are considering adoption. Ruth Graham is the mother of a woman who released a child for adoption when she was a teenager. So it makes sense that So You Want to Adopt…Now What? seeks to help adoptive parents understand adoption from the perspective of the birth parent.

This easy read is geared specifically for infertile Christian couples who plan to pursue domestic open adoption in which the birth mother chooses parents for her baby. If you fit those parameters, you’ll find this book valuable.

The authors take turns advising readers within each chapter, with Sara doing the bulk of the narration and Ruth chiming in with her thoughts at the end of each chapter. Although Sara is a clinical psychologist, the book isn’t loaded with psycho-babble. Just the opposite, in fact. Both authors write in a down-to-earth, conversational tone that’s easy to understand and digest.

This book focuses very little on the process of adoption, but rather, on the emotions a birth mother experiences as she makes an adoption plan. For instance, in the chapter on working through the pain and heartache of infertility, Ruth reminds readers that the confused, scared, pregnant woman who’s considering adoption is also experiencing an all-consuming heartache.

In the chapter on waiting for your child, Sara points out that potential parents often try to manipulate and control the situation, which makes them appear desperate in a birth mother’s eyes. “A birthmother wants the parents of her child to be confident, stable, loving and patient,” writes Sara.

I love Sara’s philosophy for adoptive parents: “expect nothing, and then everything will be a gift.”

In the last few chapters, several individuals recount their personal adoption stories: an adoptive dad, an adult adopted person, several birth mothers, and the father of a birth mother. While these stories were interesting, they felt tacked on and somewhat disjointed from the rest of the book. They would have worked better if woven into earlier chapters in which similar themes were developed.

Still, the book is a helpful read for adoptive parents-to-be who will be establishing relationships with the birth parents of their child. It provides valuable insights into the minds and hearts of birth families—the people the authors call “the forgotten side” of adoption.

Pictured above: Ruth Graham and Sara Dormon at the International Christian Retail Show 2006 in Denver. Ruth and Sara also co-authored "I'm Pregnant...Now What?: Heartfelt Advice on Getting Through an Unplanned Pregnancy." I'll be reviewing that book in a future post.