Part 4 of 4

Continued from the previous posts

Please acquaint yourself with the details of this case by reading the first three posts in this series:
Court Case Illustrates Problems with Independent Adoption
The Kilmer Adoption Case, Part 2
Reflections on the Christine Kilmer Case, Part 3

"We can help"
In the article detailing the case, attorney Maxine Buckmeier said, “If they come here (to the Sioux City apartment complex), we can help them.” Help them how, exactly? Is it really helpful to promise a homeless pregnant woman a home and then to pull the rug out from under her the minute she decides to parent her baby?

What about counseling?
Wouldn’t it have been more helpful to provide pregnancy counseling and to encourage Kilmer to make the decision she felt was in her best interest and in the best interest of her baby? (the story doesn’t mention whether Kilmer received counseling).

It sounds as if Kilmer was most in need of ongoing psychological help, particularly if she’s been in and out of jail and has a history of abusing her children and of being involved in abusive relationships. Perhaps an offer of counseling with no strings attached would have been a healthier way to proceed.

Is paying expenses the right choice?
I also have qualms about the prospective adoptive parents paying the expenses of a pregnant woman, not just in this case but in every independent adoption. I’ve talked with several people who have spent tens of thousands of dollars to support women who assure them they are “100 percent certain” they want to place their baby with them. Then, when the woman decides to parent, the prospective adoptive parents are left with nothing. Not only are their pocketbooks empty, but their hearts are also.

Risky business
Those who adopt independently take a risk, and they are aware that the money they donate to help support a pregnant woman who chooses them to parent her baby will not be refunded in the event that she decides to parent. That doesn’t help it hurt any less, however.

Smacks of baby-brokering
I’m mainly concerned with would-be adoptive parents who fork over thousands and thousands of dollars to support a woman in hopes that she’ll relinquish her child to them. I think it puts undue pressure on both the pregnant woman and the adoptive parents-to-be. It feels too much like baby-brokering to me.