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One of my readers named Lois adopted six children internationally in the 1970s. Her children, who were school age when she adopted them, are now in their 30s.
- One of her children was from the U.S.
- Two were from Korea and were adopted at ages 10 and 7 (they are not biological siblings)
- One was from Brazil and was adopted at age 7
- Two were from India and were adopted at ages 10 and 8 (they are biological siblings)
Lack of bonding
Lois writes, “I only wish it was the tight-knit story-book family one dreams of when going into adoption. Each has his/her own issues (probably would anyway had they been homemade), but the biggest one has been the lack of bonding as youngsters. Four of the children are distant or non-communicative altogether.”
Lois would like to find others who have adult children with whom to dialogue about these “grownup” issues. She’s open to facilitating an online group in which parents can discuss and support one another.
Appreciation
In addition to discussing ways to enhance family communication, Lois would also like to chat about the issue of appreciation. She writes that her children, “disabled, social outcasts, grew into adults who are so incredibly self-centered with this ‘entitled’ attitude.”
She’s been stung by statements from her children such as, “You were bringing us to another orphanage” and “You were supposed to pay our way through college.”
Those of us who are adoptive parents go into adoption with such high hopes that we’ll make a positive difference in a child’s life and that our kids will grow up to be happy, well-adjusted adults. When things turn out differently than we’d hoped or dreamed, it’s hard to figure out just went wrong and how to fix it.
As Christians, we believe that “fixes” are possible and that God is the great healer of broken relationships. Please be praying for Lois as she struggles with these difficult issues, and pray that like-minded people will join her in discussion.
Anyone interested in dialoguing with Lois can contact her at olson7578@racc2000.com.
