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Today, my daughter danced in her first ballet recital, and to celebrate, we took her to brunch afterwards. As has been the case just about every single time we’ve dined in public with the kids, someone literally stopped me at their table to tell me (at length!) how well-behaved my children are and pleasant to have around. Wait-staff, too, have commented on this as well, and tell us how difficult it makes their vocation when they must serve children who are less considerate.
Now, we eat out – a lot! We dine out, seriously, at the very least, twice a week. So, for us to be stopped everywhere and complimented on the kids’ manners has been nothing short of jaw-dropping when hubby and I look back on this phenomenal pattern.
I’m boasting about my kids, but not necessarily our parenting, because I’m searching my brain to think how it has been formulated in them.
I’m guessing it has to be a combination of example, certain rules and expectations we have regarding their behavior, and practice.
Example: My husband and I consistently say, “Please,” ”Thank you,” and “You’re welcome.” Over the past few weeks, we have had an on-going service issue with our washing machine. It really escalated into a customer service nightmare, and I had to be on the phone many, many times, with many, many people. Even so (and admittedly, as the case worsened, I was very frustrated), my kids never heard me curse anyone out, yell, or behave unseemly. I still always thanked people and treated them with respect. I hope that doesn’t seem braggadocios, because it’s a trait I have only because I am mindful of what Christ demands my conduct to be, not because I am innately perfect in some way!
Rules and Expectations: The children are not allowed to run around. They are not allowed to bring toys into an establishment. They must use “indoor voices.” They need to be mindful of who is around them (i.e. the elderly or those with canes at church, etc.). They have to focus on the task at hand (meaning they can’t get so involved in a conversation with a sibling that they don’t look at where they are reaching and knock over things on the table).
Practice: We’ve had “Dinnertime Theatre” where we’ve acted out various scenarios. We do allow the children to order for themselves, and remind them on the rare occasions they forget to say “please” or “thank you.” We use “teachable moments” when the present themselves at a restaurant, by deconstructing a conversation to help them see where they could have chosen better words, or praising them when they have done particularly well.
I’m so proud of my kids and happy for them when they receive external praise for a job well done!
There is nothing worse than having screaming children around you when you are trying to have a nice outing. That is why our son has the same rules as yours do except he is to little to order himself. When he first came to live with us though he would cry and scream if the table next to us go served first and he had no food. It only took us one time where we packed up and left the restaurant and went home for him to understand that is not acceptable behaviour and now he acts very well.