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Adoptive parents: If you had it to do over again, what would you do differently during the time you’re waiting to adopt your child?
An article in Adoptive Families online featured responses from several parents. Here’s what veteran parents would have done differently:
Set ground rules for extended family.
The last thing you need when you’re waiting is daily calls from Grandma and Grandpa, wondering whether anything has happened.
Laura’s Tip: Establish regular dates and times that you’ll contact them with updates, regardless of whether there are any new developments. Remember that for your extended family and friends, the waiting period is your ‘pregnancy.’ It’s an important time of emotional preparation for them, as well. Providing them with regular updates helps them to feel a part of the process and prepares them to begin loving your future child.
Schedule a date to shop for items for your child and to babyproof your home.
This is a toughie, as many waiting parents don’t like to shop for baby/child items until they are certain of the date their child will arrive home. They tend to hope for the best but assume the worst, and put off decorating their child’s room, buying clothes and babyproofing until the last possible second.
Laura’s Tip: People adopting internationally can usually predict the homecoming date with reasonable accuracy, and can begin collecting items for their child well in advance. If you’re adopting an older child, you might want to buy a few things, and allow your child to pick out most of his or her own clothes and room decor. This will empower your child and will demonstrate to her that you respect her judgment.
Those adopting domestically may have days or even hours to prepare for their child’s arrival. I suggest stocking your home with essentials: a car seat, diapers, formula, etc. as soon as the home study is completed, so if your child arrives suddenly, you’ll be somewhat prepared.
Prepare and freeze meals in advance of your child’s arrival.
Women who give birth often stock the freezer with casseroles and such, and adoptive parents should do the same. Adoptive parents tend to underestimate just how exhausted they’re going to be the first few weeks and months after their child’s arrival.
Laura’s Tip: Fix-and-freeze services such as Dream Dinners (which has locations in many states) are a wonderful way to stock up on healthy meals that you assemble yourself and store in your freezer to pull out when you’re too tired to cook. They also make great shower gifts!
Inspiration for this article came from “Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda,” by Lisa Milbrand, Adoptive Families online magazine.
