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“In a perfect world, the ministry of adoption would cease to exist. All couples who chose to could bear a child, all people who bore children would be prepared to parent them, and all children would be love and nurtured by their biological families. Real life doesn’t always happen this way.”
Paula Freeman wrote those words in the Foreword to Kristin Swick Wong’s thoughtful book, Carried Safely Home: The spiritual legacy of an adoptive family.
I’ve pondered those words for many months, particularly in light of the nasty e-mails I receive from people who accuse me of being a spawn of Satan for daring to advocate for adoptive families.
Usually, these accusatory e-mails come from women who relinquished a child during the closed adoption era or from adults who were relinquished during that era. Full of grief and anger at “the system,” they freely vent their frustrations on me and others who write about adoption themes.
I’ve been called:
- a “baby harvester”
- “cruel”
- “manipulative”
- “predator”
Gee, and I thought I was a fairly nice person! I had no idea that by adopting two children, I’d become a criminal of the worst ilk. I’ve developed a fairly thick skin over the past 2 ½ years of blogging and I think I’ve heard just about every argument, both in favor of and against adoption. As an adoptive parent, I confess that suggestions of “doing away with adoption” make squirm uncomfortably. For without adoption, I would never enjoy the privilege of being a mother.
My critics would say I don’t deserve that privilege—that my infertility is a sign from God that I was not meant to become a mother (but that’s another issue which I’ll save for another post!).
Adoption, at its very best, is a bittersweet experience for everyone involved. And in a perfect world, the need for adoption would not exist. But alas, we live in a far-from-perfect world.
Those of us who—for better or for worse—live with adoption on a daily basis have to work through this difficult concept, and realize that even when our adoption experience mars us, there is redemption.
As Paula Freeman puts it, “God’s spirit of redemption comes by faith as we walk though our brokenness and grief and learn to accept God’s gift.”
She says that adoption “is filled with joy, grown from grief; it is not simply filling empty arms. It is human connectedness at its best and, sometimes, its worst. It is sacrificial, sacred, and profound. It is a journey, not a destination. It is a picture of God’s unconditional love and welcome into his forever family. It is a choice.”
Related Post
Review of Kristin Wong’s New Adoption Web site
While you do talk positively about adoption, you just did a series that called out adoptive parents who break off contact. I think that shows that you have a well-rounded and realistic view.
That said: “God’s spirit of redemption comes by faith as we walk though our brokenness and grief and learn to accept God’s gift.”
That’s a great quote. Really. Some birth parents balk at the word “gift” as very few of us like to refer to our children as a gift to a family. But for me, that’s not what it is saying. While I’ve posted before on where I feel God was in relation to Munchkin’s placement, I do think that God has given me some strengths and gifts to make the best of the situation that cannot be changed. I think that quote right there words what I feel very well.
So thanks.
I just love this post, it certianly speaks to some of my own experience. I also have been called many of those not so kind things.
“It is a picture of God’s unconditional love”
The sad thing is so many wounded people of the world just cannot accept that God can and does love us, with no reason other than we are His.
Yep. Exactly.
Gee, “spawn of the devil”? I don’t think you are that or any of those other things.
Interesting – I wrote a post a year or two ago about adoption not existing in a perfect world – and got slammed for it. Go figure!
Good post!
Reading such negative feedback directed towards adoptive families surprises me. My adoption is probably just too recent and I have not been around the block long enough to receive such criticism. We live in a world that is far from perfect. Since our world is filled with war, AIDS, and poverty it is also filled with millions of children who need cared for. Not only has God Himself been an example to us by adopting us into His family, He describes Himself as the “Father of the Fatherless”. May God grant us the capacity to reach out to the children of the world who are in need.