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In my previous post, I explained why it’s important for adoptive parents-to-be to share their stories, and especially, why it’s important that others listen (nonjudgmentally) to those stories.
As my husband and I chatted with a couple who had just returned from Russia after meeting their soon-to-be-adopted children (ages 6 and 4) we asked the typical questions:
Are your children siblings?
Their response: “They are now!”
What do you know about their background?
Their response: “We have some information about their backgrounds and see ourselves as guardians of their stories. When they are the right age, we will give them their story and they can decide from there whom to share it with.”
I love that response! “Guardians of their stories.” It’s honest. It says, “I’m not going to tell you” in a firm, yet gracious manner.
Our friends also shared that they’ve been asked the typical questions/comments most prospective adoptive parents face:
As soon as you adopt, you’ll get pregnant with your own.
Their response: “When we adopt, they become our own. That is the whole point of adoption.”
It would thrill me no end if everyone who had adopted would tell five people they know that adoption is not a fertility drug! We adopt because we want to adopt, not because we want to get pregnant.
Which one of you is sterile?
Their response: “Some people would consider that a really rude/personal question.”
I’m just curious.
Their response (done with a steady, unyielding gaze): “Yes, I can see that.”
That one takes the cake. Is it really anyone’s business who is sterile? Maybe they’re not even sterile – there many factors that lead to infertility. Strangely enough, many people who aren’t infertile adopt. People shouldn’t make assumptions.
The Bible instructs us to build up one another in love. Sometimes, keeping our mouths shut and listening is the best way to show support.
For more tips on how to show support, visit the Ethiopia Adoption Blog: “Ten Ways To Support An Adoptive Family.”
Great responses!
;p