In our Making Time series, we’ve established the need for personal time, how to make time for yourself, how to make Couple Time, and now, we’re going to round it out with how to make “One-On-One ‘Kid Time’”.

My background is in Early Childhood Education, and all the experts I’ve read promote the idea of personal time with each child for a variety of reasons:

Bonding: Just having some time alone with your child helps your individual relationship with him or her.

Self-Esteem: Can you imagine having your mom or dad all to yourself for a period of time? To know that for X amount of time, Mom or Dad is all yours and focused solely on you? It would make me feel mighty important that this grown-up carved out some time just to be with someone neat like me!

Reduction of sibling conflicts: In Siblings Without Rivalry, it is suggested that one of the conflicts at the root of sibling squabbles, is the fundamental desire of the child to get attention from his parent. Sometimes that plays out in acting out to get negative attention (because negative attention is still attention!). Sometimes it’s just a festering resentment against this newcomer (or old-timer, depending on birth order!). But the general consensus is, alone time with Mom or Dad would go a long way toward easing this issue.

So, if we know one-on-one “Kid Time” is a good thing, how do we do it?

K.I.S.S: Ever heard of the KISS Principle, “Keep It Simple, Stupid?” This does not have to be a whole afternoon at the zoo! Just a few minutes a day to have, what my son calls, “Cuddle Time,” is sufficient. Just a simple story in your lap makes a huge difference.

No interruptions: Phone off, door closed, and absolutely no interruptions. Therefore, it’s helpful if a spouse or other adult is present. Each child needs to feel your undivided attention. Before your “date” remind the other children that this is your special time with the child, and that when it is their turn, they will receive your uninterrupted time.

Use built in rituals: Life in a big family doesn’t yield a lot of time. Housework, homework, and all the personal and couple time I’ve already encouraged you to engage in … well, it doesn’t leave a lot of extra time! So use the structure you already have to your advantage! Have each child bathe alone, and use bath time as “your” time. I let my daughter use my “special girl soap” (lavender shower gel) during this time, and she feels so special! You can also use chore time as “Kid Time:” Someone gets to exclusively help you in the kitchen one night. Another night might be baking night … use whatever rituals your family has and tweak it to make special time with each of your children.

However you are able to piece it together, do try to make one-on-one time with each child. It’s an investment that will yield an incredible harvest in terms of bonding, self-esteem and relationships with others!