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Okay, so I’ve convinced you of the need for personal time; I’ve even shown you how to get it. So, maybe it’s gone to my head a little and made me cocky, because now I’m going to suggest Couple Time and how to make it.
Let me preface this “cockiness” with a confession – one oft repeated here on the blog – I don’t always write from a place of “knowing it all,” but rather one of need. Areas that are somewhat lacking in my own life become fodder for the old blog, and you get to benefit in my cathartic, “cheaper-than-therapy,“ quest for answers! So, this Couple Time concept is clearly one area that I could use a little strengthening in. Pre-motherhood, I boasted that I would never put my children before my husband. Then I had a baby, who couldn’t feed or bathe himself, and clearly these were things my hubby could do for himself! Now with the eminent arrival of two more children, I need to articulate a strategy for incorporating Couple Time into our relationship on a regular basis before it all gets away from me again in the blur of transition.
Date Night: Corny? Maybe. Tried and true? Pretty much. Because of our son’s medical condition, we didn’t have many people who were comfortable with the specialized care involved in watching our son. So we had what we termed, “Date Night At Home.” We’d watch a movie in the living room after our son went to bed, complete with popcorn and soda, and the lights out! It was cheap; we met our responsibilities to our son as parents; yet carved out something akin to what we experienced before parenthood. I use this example to show you that you don’t have to hire a babysitter and go to a fancy restaurant just to have a date!
Enlist Your Support Network: Lots of folks offer to watch the kids for you. Usually, some are very sincere. Enlist them. Recently, some friends of ours gave us a “Date Night Package:” a gift certificate to a nice restaurant, movie tickets, and an offer to babysitting (they even made up a coupon with a cute name for the babysitting “service” incorporating their names!). Whether it’s family, friends or other adoptive parents that you know through support groups, you’re sure to find a few families willing to trade childcare.
Form a Co-Op: If you can’t find anyone you can enlist, consider forming a co-op. This is a more formalized childcare arrangement where everyone puts in “hours” to the group, and they can take out as many hours as they put in. It requires a little more planning and effort, in addition to having some meetings so everyone can hash out the rules and get to know each other better (you aren’t just going to hand your children off to folks you don’t know!), but it’s a thought if you are in an area with limited resources or lack of access to relatives. For more on forming a co-op see this article.
I may have said some bone-headed things before motherhood, in my ignorance; but one truism I stuck by then, and I stick by now, is, “one of the greatest gifts you can give your child is the example of a good relationship between you and your spouse.” In my own life, as the child of a single parent, I never saw the healthy “give and take” of a marital relationship. With that lack of powerful example, how I’ve managed to stay married for almost two decades is beyond me, other than the grace of God. But one thing I know is that my children deserve to see their father and I love each other, work out issues, and devote ourselves to each other, to God, and to them. Thus, it becomes imperative that we devote time to strengthening our relationship as a couple.
Stay tuned for How to Make One-On-One “Kid Time” …
