We all like to think about the warm fuzzy part of parenting while we are waiting to be chosen to adopt. If your chosen child is an infant, there will be lots of snuggle time before you need to think about discipline. If your chosen child is older, then you will need to think about discipline immediately, and how to do it.

Is discipline really necessary, and if it is, Why? The Bible is full of parenting advice for us to consider.

Proverbs 3:11 My son, do not despise the Lord's discipline and do not resent his rebuke, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in. (NIV)

Children actually feel safer if they have boundaries. It shows them that you love them and care about what happens to them. Discipline prepares them for adult life by teaching them restraint, control, and the proper behavior necessary to maintain employment, a household, or drive an automobile.

What is the difference between discipline and punishment?
The Encarta dictionary says that punishment “

is a penalty that is imposed on somebody for wrongdoing.”

I like to think of it as retaliation or getting even.
The Encarta dictionary says that discipline is a way …

to ensure people will obey rules by teaching them to do so.”

So, penalty or teaching, which do you respond better to as an adult. Which do you think your child would respond better to or prefer?

Ephesians 6:4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instructions of the Lord. (NIV)

This verse is a warning to parents not to over discipline or over criticize their children. Doing so can cause your children to hate you, lose respect for you, or just give up on ever trying to please you. They may become depressed or begin seeking love and encouragement in the wrong places.

Proverb 13:24 He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.

Does this verse mean that you should beat your child? If you take into consideration Proverbs 3:11 cited above, then no. Remember the difference between discipline and punishment. The Bible says to discipline those you love and not to exasperate them. Therefore, the Bible could not be condoning beating your child. Again, the Bible is teaching parents that they must discipline their children if they love them and want them to grow up to be moral and respectful adults.

It is up to the parents to choose the form of discipline that works best for them and for their child. If your child has come from an abusive environment, then physical discipline won’t work. A traumatized child becomes desensitized to the pain and their brains may actually block out the event. As the new parent of your chosen child it is your job to help your child heal, not perpetuate the trauma.

If you choose to spank a child, never do it when you are angry. Remember that you are trying to teach your child correct behavior because you love your child, you are not retaliating or getting even.

Think about having the form of discipline make sense. For example, if your child makes a huge mess, then it would make sense to have your child clean it up. If your child hurt another child, then it would make sense to have your child comfort the injured child and apologize. If your child broke something, then it would make sense for your child to earn the money to replace it.

Therefore, one form of discipline will not suffice in every circumstance. Whatever form of discipline you choose to use, remember to later verbalize your love for the child, the reason for the discipline, and explain the correct behavior.

Encourage your child to ask for your forgiveness and God’s forgiveness. Offer to pray with your child to help your child learn to ask for forgiveness. If your child agrees to seek forgiveness and follows through, then explain to your child that God has now forgiven the transgression and so have you. Then, try to put the incident behind you and try not to bring it up again.

1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all nrighteousness.

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