If you are the parent of a child with special needs (medical or behavioral), then you have most likely, at one time or another, had to deal with them during church services.

My oldest son has Type 1 diabetes, and when his blood sugar is very high, he needs to use the restroom frequently, in addition to needing to drink from the water fountain. My daughter has elimination issues in addition to behavioral issues, both of which require frequent trips out of the auditorium.

How do you deal with these issues without being a huge distraction, and ensuring that you get some worship time in as well?

Communicate: When we moved to this area and placed membership at the congregation we now attend, we mentioned to one of the elders that our son (we hadn’t adopted our other children yet) had these issues. That way when we needed to leave to take care of them, people knew what was going on.

Consider your seating: If you think you will need to leave the sanctuary often, sit near an exit so as to be the least distracting as possible. Try to open and close doors quietly (don’t let your child do this!), if there are no ushers.

Be swift: If the issue is behavioral, I try to be pre-emptive, and just swoop and pick my child up and leave quickly. After an initial warning, I don’t do a lot of talking. This just gives my children a chance to “work up” to a full on tantrum, and puts them on notice to make their body dead-weight or jelly-like. So I pick them up, rather than try to half-drag an unwieldy and uncooperative child from the room and calling attention to the situation.

Do what’s necessary: If they need to apologize, I have them do so. If I need to explain to someone, I will. Otherwise, I try to be fairly mater-of-fact. Most parents have to deal with these issues at some time or another.

Don’t obsess: Sometimes the guilt you feel naturally as a parent, makes you feel as though all eyes are on you and people are judging you. Usually, it’s your imagination. Secondly, we’re warned against judging others. Further, if people really are giving you a hinky look, most likely it’s someone without kids, or for whom it has been so long, they have forgotten what daily life with young children is like!

Prepare in advance: We talk to our children on Saturday night before bed, and remind them that the next day is the Lord’s Day. In the car on the way to services, we remind them of what is expected during services. When we drop them off at Bible class we remind them how to behave as we kiss them goodbye. During the transition time between Bible class and worship services we again make them aware of how important the service is and the need for them not to distract others. Further, we remind them to participate themselves, to the extent to which they are able.

Reward good behavior: Though we have always stressed “family worship” and rarely allow our children to sit away from us, my oldest son is getting to the age where he wants to hang with his friends. Once in awhile we will allow him to sit with his friends, especially since his Bible class teacher is nearby. One night, recently, his friends began goofing off. My son tried to get them to be quiet, but after one attempt, he didn’t want to be a distraction by talking to them, and decided to move near his dad who, because of a worship obligation, was on a nearby pew. We rewarded this initiative because we want him to independently do things like this, and take his service to God seriously.

Yes, there will be times when action is necessary because our children have special issues, but communication and preparation are key.