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Moving Towards Openness
Continued from previous post
During the first two years of baby Ben’s life, God taught us a great deal about love, friendship, and relationships.
Our son’s birthmom, who loved to write as much as I did, requested lots of letters, pictures and videotapes. I was happy to oblige. The staff at our adoption agency must have been ripping their hair out over all the letters and packages that flowed in an endless stream between the two of us (because we had a semi-open adoption, our agency served as an intermediary – opening all letters and packages, repackaging them with the agency’s address, and forwarding them).
I tried to involve Ben’s birth mother as fully in his life as possible. We videotaped seemingly every moment of his life, took pictures of him in every cute little outfit we’d received at baby showers, and documented his every breath in 12-page, single spaced, typed letters.
In turn, his birth mom allowed us into her life. She told us about her breakup with Ben’s birth father, her problems with her family and her life at school. She dated a few guys after breaking up with Ben’s birth father, and within a couple of years, another very special person came into her life – the man she ended up marrying.
I recall telling family and friends about our ongoing communication. One person commented, “Doesn’t keeping in such close contact with the birth mom prevent her from moving on with her life? Wouldn’t it be better if you cut off contact, or at least decreased it?”
I was horrified. I’d been assuming that this contact was healthy for her. Doubts crept into my mind. Well, I’ll just ask her, I thought.
So I did. Her reply: I love, love, love the contact. Knowing that my son is healthy and happy is what’s helping me to move on with my life.
In the next post…Re-establishing contact
