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Situation #5
Continued from previous post
With the baby’s due date in eight weeks, my husband and I began to shop for infant clothes and think about names. The baby’s mother checked in with us to let us know she was taking a short trip to California to visit her husband, who was in the military and had just been stationed there.
A few days after her arrival in California, she gave birth, eight weeks prematurely. The baby’s mother phoned her adoption counselor in Washington to tell her that the baby was in precarious health.
We heard absolutely nothing for 10 days. Finally, the baby’s mother contacted her counselor and said that she had been so concerned about the baby’s health that she could think of nothing else. She assured her counselor that she planned to follow through with the adoption, and indicated that she welcomed us to call her at the hospital.
That’s when red flags started popping up. The baby’s mother had not told her doctor in California that she had made an adoption plan, so our adoption agency could not legally contact the doctor to get a medical report.
The baby’s mother had also not signed preliminary relinquishment papers before she left for California, so her counselor in Seattle was not allowed to contact the hospital’s social worker, who would have served as a mediator.
We waited two more weeks.
We and her counselor periodically called the baby’s mother, both at home and at the hospital, but she didn’t return any of our calls. Exactly a month after the baby’s birth, we knew little more about the baby’s condition or about her intentions than we had the day the baby was born.
I prayed constantly – for the baby, for us, for her. I couldn’t sleep. I felt sick to my stomach most of the time. I didn’t know whether to call or not to call. I was scared, angry and confused.
In the next post…The final loss
I’ve been reading all your posts and my heart breaks anew each time. I can’t wait for next installment, but I also hope there will be a ‘happy ending’…..
The baby’s mother was married? And he was in the army so he had a job? What are preliminary papers? Does that mean you can have the baby even if she changes her mind after the birth? Is that what they are? Both you and the adoption agency worker called her home and she didn’t call back but you kept calling her?
Would you do things differently the next time like give the mother space to decide and if you feel hesitation on her part then step back even more?
It all sounds so coercive. I’m not American so all these things sound so predatory whereas for Americans I guess they are normal.
A lot of things that are standard practise in America would be illegal in my country.