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Grieving Adoption Loss
Continued from previous post
During the time I was struggling with my emotions concerning the loss we had experienced, I attended a women’s retreat with my sister-in-law. There I connected with a woman I hadn’t seen since college.
She sensed my sadness, gave me a long hug and literally demanded that I grieve. I’ll always remember her stern, yet loving advice: “You have lost a child. You were planning for this baby just as you would have if you’d been pregnant. That child is gone now, and you need to let yourself mourn for him.”
She granted me permission to grieve – something I hadn’t allowed myself to do until that day. Allowing myself to feel the loss and work through it was one of the best things I’ve ever done. It helped sustain me during the events that would take place during the following year.
Situation #2
About a month after the women’s retreat, our caseworker alerted us that a 16-year-old with a 7-month-old baby had turned the baby over to foster care. The baby’s mother feared that she’d continue the pattern of abuse and neglect that she had experienced as a child. She wanted a high degree of openness, and our agency couldn’t find anyone but us who felt comfortable with that.
We were told they were sending her three profiles, and that ours was at the top of the list. We’d have an answer within two or three days, they assured us. We called our friends and family and asked them to pray. A week later, we had heard nothing.
Even though plenty of friends and family members knew we were waiting on pins and needles, we did not receive a single call asking us how things were going. Our tension was sky-high, and we certainly could have used some support. Any support.
In the next post…Receiving support through adoption loss
