I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly. (John 10:10b)

Where on earth have I been, you may have asked? Well, Friday marked one month since the adoption was finalized. I’d love to say that we’re thriving, but in all honesty, we’re in survival mode. I know adjustment - grand adjustment of this magnitude – takes time. The kids are dealing with separation from their foster family, a move approximately 2,000 miles away, a new home, new friends a new church family, a new pet – so much! The rest of us are adjusting to having our family size almost double overnight, parenting multiple children after parenting “only” one, dealing with major behavioral and emotional issues, two to three doctor’s appointments per week as all three children have medical conditions to varying severity, homeschooling (lesson planning and execution!), and a myriad of other issues. All of this on top of my own medical condition (asthma), which has really flared up due to the weather.

I am normally up around the clock at night dealing with my biological son’s medical condition, which doesn’t leave me very refreshed for meeting the new day’s dilemmas head on.

So, we’re surviving.

Want to know a secret? It feels yucky. Awful. Terrible! Honestly, it feels like we’ve done the kids and ourselves the greatest disservice known to mankind. I hate feeling that way. But you want to know another secret? I suspect most first time parents (adoptive or otherwise) feel this way at some time or another. And you know what else? I do think it gets better. In fact, I think that many families not only survive, but thrive!

If I knew the “secret” as to how, I’d be a millionaire several times over! But I think I have some inklings as to the things some of these successful families do:

Pray: Start and end your day with prayer, with lots of prayer in between. 1 Thessalonians 5:17 says, “Pray without ceasing” and you better believe I do! Pray alone, pray with your spouse, pray with your children and pray together as a family.

Structure your days: Now, I’m a gal with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) and structure is not my forte at all! So, I’m not suggesting rigidity to the nth degree (“At 0900 you will report to the kitchen for clean-up”), but rather a basic predictability to your days to help everyone feel secure knowing that there are boundaries and that they can know what to expect. Children who have experienced life in shelters or have witnessed domestic abuse don’t always know what is coming next. Therefore, being able to trust in a fairly predictable routine can be comforting.

Avoid high stimulus activities: In the beginning it’s tempting to “show the kids off” to all the family and friends who have waited with you and prayed for you. But the kids need down time. They need success in little manageable clumps as they adapt to what might be a different style of parenting, new expectations and different surroundings.

Make dinner time a family time: We’ve just started a new ritual called, “Dinnertime Theatre” wherein the “Dinnertime Players” (that’s all of us) role play various scenarios that occur throughout the day. For example, “What would you do if Suzie (Hubby and I deliberately make up names so the kids don’t internalize they are “bad”), grabbed your brand new toy without asking?” The kids love this and come up with some great and creative answers (of which they are reminded when the scenario occurs in real life – “Remember when Suzie…??”). With our oldest son, we used to have a ritual wherein you talked about your favorite part of the day and why, as well as your least favorite part of the day and why. My son still remembers doing that, and I hope to revive the ritual.

Engage in unifying activities: Our family has always held a nightly family prayer time, after which we have a family cheer. Now that our newest kids are here, we have just rolled on with it and they absolutely love it! My daughter's hair takes anywhere from 45 to 90 minutes to do. We use this time to talk and sing, and time spent in this way is definitely a bonding activity!

Divide and conquer: I just said to unify and now I’m telling you to divide? Yes! Every so often, to manage the chaos, we will divide the kids up when the parents run errands. I will take one or two with me to the grocery store, while hubby takes the other one or two to the post office. It gives us a breather, and helps the kids miss each other so there is less sibling squabbling after the “reunion”!

Silly time: Yep, you have to make time just for the sillies! It lets out stress and energy, and allows the kids to see that grown-ups can be goofy too!

On the upside, however, there is much to be thankful for! The kids love each other, generally get along (other than “normal” sibling stuff), and our newest children are certainly bonding with us. We are “Mommy” and “Daddy” and they clearly love us, our home and our family unit! We are dealing with the emotional and behavioral issues through therapy. The children have been reunited with their birth grandmother, birth aunt and older brother (who is cared for by their grandmother) through weekly phone calls. The birth family is thrilled, the kids are really happy and we have been so pleased with the bond being re-established!

Not all is doom and gloom, and we know that with prayer, and a little more time, we will be thriving, not just surviving!

Do you have some tried and true successful tips to share? Post them here and we can all benefit from the success stories of those who have forged the path before us!


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