When you announce your decision to adopt, you’ll experience a range of reactions from relatives and friends. I’ve talked with more than a few prospective adoptive parents who are afraid to announce their decision because they imagine their relatives will resent them for adopting.

In Carried Safely Home, Kristin Swick Wong pens her thoughts about making the adoption announcement:

Vulnerability first surfaced as we ventured to talk about our fledgling adoption to family and friends. Telling people our plans to adopt a child did not elicit the kinds of unconditionally warm responses I remembered from announcing that I was pregnant. Some people asked if we thought we would be able to love an adopted child as much as our birth children. Weren’t we worried about not knowing the baby’s background? How did we know if we would bond to us and we to him? Some told us they would not adopt because of the loss of control in raising a child with a troubled past and unknown genetic makeup. Everyone seemed to know disturbing stories about horrendous orphanages and their emotionally and physically wounded children.

I can relate to what Kristin writes. Although we adopted domestically, when we told people we planned to adopt, our news was greeted as if we’d just told everyone we had cancer rather than that we were expecting a child.

Why, I wonder, do people’s minds immediately dredge up worst-case scenarios? My husband and I were advised by well-meaning relatives and friends to be wary of the prospective birth parents, who would be likely to fight the adoption and who would probably show up on our doorstep years down the line, demanding to reclaim their child.

Numerous people shared horror stories of adoptions gone wrong, adoptions failed, and of birth parents who reclaimed their child. No wonder we were paranoid about birth parents!

Whenever I meet people who have just decided to adopt, they always tell me their news with a hesitant, deer-in-the-headlights look. I can tell they’ve shared their joy with others, only to be shot down, cautioned, ridiculed, and discouraged.

When someone tells me they’re expecting through adoption, I immediately congratulate them and tell them how happy I am for them, just as I do for people who tell me they’re pregnant. When I warmly congratulate them, their faces literally light up and a sense of relief—and almost, disbelief—washes over them. I can tell that few people they encounter greet their momentous news with joy.

Readers: What kind of reactions did you receive when you told relatives and friends about your plans to adopt?

In the next post in this series, we’ll discuss some ways to announce your decision to adopt.

Other posts in this series:

In a Perfect World, Adoption Wouldn’t Exist

Kristin Wong’s Website with a Biblical Perspective on Adoption

The “Realness” of Adoptive Families

Examining Your Motives for Adopting

Adopting as an Act of Worship