Recently an email came around as a forward on our homeschool loop at Yahoo groups. Frequently, I just delete forwards without even looking at them, but something made me read this one. Maybe it was a little nudge from the Holy Spirit. Shannon Ethridge who is the author of Every Woman’s Battle and coauthor of Every Young Woman’s Battle wrote the article being forwarded. The article was only about the way women dress, teenager girls in particular, as that is Shannon’s focus for her books. However, as the mother of several teenage boys, I also insist that they take care in their clothing choices, especially swimming apparel. A quote at the beginning of the article caught my attention and made me keep reading. It said, “You teach people how to treat you. Whatever bait you use determines the type of fish you'll catch.” One of my favorite Sunday school teachers had a similar saying. When a teenager would complain to him about the type of people met at the local singles bar, he would say, “If you are fishing in a cesspool, you should expect to catch feces.”

I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God. 1 Timothy 2: 9-10 (NIV)

What do you suppose she means by, “You teach people how to treat you?” As adults, we are able to look back over the years and realize that people have treated us differently at times. For example, if I walk into an expensive store wearing jeans and a t-shirt I probably won’t be treated the same as I would if I wore a dress suit. If I laugh at crude jokes, I am likely to keep hearing them. If I laugh at gender or racial remarks, or ignore profanity, then those around me are likely to keep using them. However, if I do not participate in these, and make it clear that I do not appreciate this type of behavior; people are likely to refrain from using them around me. Therefore, I have taught them how to treat me.

We need to convey this message to our teenagers. If they want to be treated with dignity and respect then they need to dress modestly and appropriately. If they dress seductively, then they could be pressured into sexual compromise. They could also receive inappropriate attention from those who are more interested in their bodies, than in their spirit, mind, and heart.

When we bring older children into our homes to adopt, we will probably need to address their wardrobe immediately. If they have been allowed to purchase clothing that conforms to current fashion, chances are it isn’t modest. Many of these children are already suffering from low self-esteem. Therefore, they may expect to be treated with disrespect. They may enjoy the sexual attention they get from the opposite gender because it may help them feel needed or loved. It may take some time to change their thinking about they way they dress. However, when they begin to dress modestly and realize that it causes people treat them with respect they may like it. Hopefully, if they are treated with respect, they can begin to respect themselves.

Related blogs
How Do I Stop My Adopted Daughters from Wearing Dirty Clothes?
My Adopted Daughters Dress Inappropriate

Photo Credit Julia Fuller 2007