Comments on: Dilemma of the Week – Stealing http://christian.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/dilemma-of-the-week-stealing Adoption from a Christian perspective - Topics include: religion, faith, prayer, and Christian adoptive parenting. Sat, 13 Feb 2010 02:44:36 -0700 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: condo-mom http://christian.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/dilemma-of-the-week-stealing/comment-page-1#comment-511 condo-mom Wed, 30 Apr 2008 14:09:15 +0000 http://christian-ad.www.adoptionblogs.com/2008/04/27/dilemma-of-the-week-stealing#comment-511 Thankfully, we don't deal with too much outright stealing, although we experience borrowing, losing, misplacing and etc. at home.<br /> <br /> I've been reading "Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control" by Forbes and Post. In their chapter on Stealing, they say:<br /> <br /> Children with trauma histories are typically poor self-regulators ... If a child has difficulty regulating himself internally, the body will automatically seek to calm this stress externally. Thus, stealing is an external attempt at soothing an internal state of dysregulation, similar to other addictive behaviors such as smoking, alcoholism, and even eatng chocolate ... There is an enormous chemical reaction that takes place in the brain and the body system that literally creates a rush or release for the child, calming the child ... Children with trauma histories typically steal items that offer no physical or material payoff; it is not about being afraid of getting caught. They are simply acting out to seek a psychologic payoff. (pgs 50-51)<br /> <br /> Not sure what I think about this, or the whole book. But it is making me stop and rethink my whole framework for parenting Joy. And honestly, since my framework hasn't worked well for her thus far (especially re. consequences) maybe we are overdue for a re-think. -- Rachel<br /> <br /> <br /> Thankfully, we don’t deal with too much outright stealing, although we experience borrowing, losing, misplacing and etc. at home.

I’ve been reading “Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control” by Forbes and Post. In their chapter on Stealing, they say:

Children with trauma histories are typically poor self-regulators … If a child has difficulty regulating himself internally, the body will automatically seek to calm this stress externally. Thus, stealing is an external attempt at soothing an internal state of dysregulation, similar to other addictive behaviors such as smoking, alcoholism, and even eatng chocolate … There is an enormous chemical reaction that takes place in the brain and the body system that literally creates a rush or release for the child, calming the child … Children with trauma histories typically steal items that offer no physical or material payoff; it is not about being afraid of getting caught. They are simply acting out to seek a psychologic payoff. (pgs 50-51)

Not sure what I think about this, or the whole book. But it is making me stop and rethink my whole framework for parenting Joy. And honestly, since my framework hasn’t worked well for her thus far (especially re. consequences) maybe we are overdue for a re-think. — Rachel

]]> By: Julia Fuller http://christian.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/dilemma-of-the-week-stealing/comment-page-1#comment-510 Julia Fuller Mon, 28 Apr 2008 17:18:50 +0000 http://christian-ad.www.adoptionblogs.com/2008/04/27/dilemma-of-the-week-stealing#comment-510 We thought our daughter Lyn would grow out of this. She first came to us a few weeks before her 4th bday. She went back home a few months as a 5 yo and we adopted her at 6. She is now half past 14. It hasn't stopped. It happens here, at school, at church, and at camp. Many times it does appear that she wants to be caught. I fear for her because she is getting very close to an age of being considered an adult. Stealing in the adult world has serious consequences. Last week at AWANA awards ceremony, she received her Meritorious Award. That is 2 years of study past the Timothy. She has literally memorized hundreds of verses. She has many trophies between 4-H and AWANA. She has ever gadget a teenage girl could dream of wanting. She doesn't need to steal. The best choice, may be to ignore it. That is if your birth son is able to understand why she wouldn't be disiplined for something he would be disiplined for. That has always been a challenge in our home because we have such a wide variety of special needs and intellectual levels. We thought our daughter Lyn would grow out of this. She first came to us a few weeks before her 4th bday. She went back home a few months as a 5 yo and we adopted her at 6. She is now half past 14. It hasn’t stopped. It happens here, at school, at church, and at camp. Many times it does appear that she wants to be caught. I fear for her because she is getting very close to an age of being considered an adult. Stealing in the adult world has serious consequences. Last week at AWANA awards ceremony, she received her Meritorious Award. That is 2 years of study past the Timothy. She has literally memorized hundreds of verses. She has many trophies between 4-H and AWANA. She has ever gadget a teenage girl could dream of wanting. She doesn’t need to steal. The best choice, may be to ignore it. That is if your birth son is able to understand why she wouldn’t be disiplined for something he would be disiplined for. That has always been a challenge in our home because we have such a wide variety of special needs and intellectual levels.

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