http://christian.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/dilemma-of-the-week-rudeness Adoption from a Christian perspective - Topics include: religion, faith, prayer, and Christian adoptive parenting. Sat, 13 Feb 2010 02:44:36 -0700 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 http://christian.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/dilemma-of-the-week-rudeness/comment-page-1#comment-501 mehmann Thu, 14 Feb 2008 14:05:34 +0000 http://christian-ad.www.adoptionblogs.com/2008/02/14/dilemma-of-the-week-rudeness#comment-501 Dear Marie,<br /> I was touched by your concern as it reminded me of my daughter, who is now 22, and my feelings and approach when she was younger. I, too, for years tried to "help" her to be more socially appropriate and kinder. I tried to understand why she was so rude and inappropriate, thinking if I could get to the reason behind it, we could be of even greater help. I desperately wanted to spare her from all the alienation and rejection she was sure to face, or was already facing. <br /> But then the Lord showed me something. My worry and anxiety, my frequent application of scripture, my hovering and steering,all served to be of greater harm than the rejection she suffered from others. In a way, I was saying,"You are <br /> defective and in need of fixing." <br /> Of course I never meant to say that with my concern! One day I threw my hands up to the Lord and said, "What more do you want me to do???" He replied, "Have faith in Me." To which I replied, "I know that.... but what more do you want me to do?? His answer, "The BEST thing you can DO is have faith in Me!" A searing moment. <br /> Through the years, my daughter continued to struggle with social situations, getting the connection between what she says and does and how it affects others. And I continued to show her a better way - "try saying it this way, rather than that..." However, the greater emphasis has been to speak to her strengths, show her unconditional love, and demonstrate that all the world can reject her, but we will always be on her side, and to the extent we could, tried to not fall into the trap of thinking she deserves to be alienated because of her actions and words. <br /> We would declare blessings, love, and acceptance outside her door at night when she slept. God often reminded us that she was not created for rejection, but love. That is what she is entitled to. <br /> At 22, my daughter is coming into her own. She is an amazingly creative and competent hair stylist, having to make conversations, and be polite, and social!! Recently she had a revelation from God that she is called to help women believe in their beauty. He is so faithful. <br /> Marie, God has a wonderful plan for your daughter. Ask Him to see her with His eyes....daily. You will find yourself worrying less and you will see the hand of God in her more and more. I hope this helps. <br /> Maryann <br /> Dear Marie,
I was touched by your concern as it reminded me of my daughter, who is now 22, and my feelings and approach when she was younger. I, too, for years tried to “help” her to be more socially appropriate and kinder. I tried to understand why she was so rude and inappropriate, thinking if I could get to the reason behind it, we could be of even greater help. I desperately wanted to spare her from all the alienation and rejection she was sure to face, or was already facing.
But then the Lord showed me something. My worry and anxiety, my frequent application of scripture, my hovering and steering,all served to be of greater harm than the rejection she suffered from others. In a way, I was saying,”You are
defective and in need of fixing.”
Of course I never meant to say that with my concern! One day I threw my hands up to the Lord and said, “What more do you want me to do???” He replied, “Have faith in Me.” To which I replied, “I know that…. but what more do you want me to do?? His answer, “The BEST thing you can DO is have faith in Me!” A searing moment.
Through the years, my daughter continued to struggle with social situations, getting the connection between what she says and does and how it affects others. And I continued to show her a better way – “try saying it this way, rather than that…” However, the greater emphasis has been to speak to her strengths, show her unconditional love, and demonstrate that all the world can reject her, but we will always be on her side, and to the extent we could, tried to not fall into the trap of thinking she deserves to be alienated because of her actions and words.
We would declare blessings, love, and acceptance outside her door at night when she slept. God often reminded us that she was not created for rejection, but love. That is what she is entitled to.
At 22, my daughter is coming into her own. She is an amazingly creative and competent hair stylist, having to make conversations, and be polite, and social!! Recently she had a revelation from God that she is called to help women believe in their beauty. He is so faithful.
Marie, God has a wonderful plan for your daughter. Ask Him to see her with His eyes….daily. You will find yourself worrying less and you will see the hand of God in her more and more. I hope this helps.
Maryann

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