The other day, I was reading “The Family Expansion,” a blog by Sheri and Lyle Hatton, expectant parents from Canada who are adopting from Ethiopia.

Sheri received the following thought-provoking comment from one of her readers:

“As a society we are overrun with consumerism. What can we get, how fast can we get it, how cheaply can I get it, who is going to give me the best deal...we see it on TV, in magazines, in the newspaper, in stores it is taking over. The adoption process should NOT be part of this.”

Both Sheri and her adoption caseworker responded to the commenter. Sheri made the following points:

Because adoption generally costs thousands (or tens of thousands) of dollars, prospective parents carefully consider costs when planning their adoption.

“You look at available agency options to see who can better fit your needs, timing and budget. Some agencies have different processes available and things move quicker. Some only go with specific countries. Some provincial agencies only work with some federal agencies.

"And as any other expecting adoptive parent can attest to, you do want to have your children home as soon as possible. Each day is another day that I miss out on my son’s life. His first words have been said. His first steps have been done. His first birthday has come and gone. Although we will not be traumatized by this, they are important milestones that all parents value.”

So while some may consider adopting a consumeristic “transaction,” it is much more than that. The consumer model is a bad model for the adoption experience, asserts Sheri’s caseworker.

Adoption is not just about checking out all your options, comparing prices, and choosing the option that will give you the best product, for the least cost, and in the most timely manner.

Adoption is not just about forking out your money, assuming you’ll get what you paid for, in the timeline you were expecting, in the condition you were expecting, and for the cost you agreed to.

Adoption is not about returning a faulty product, getting your money back, and suing the business who didn’t fulfill your order.

That’s because, in adoption, we deal with people. And when we deal with people, there’s always an element of unpredictability. There are lots of gray areas.

If you adhere to the consumerist model, writes Sheri’s caseworker, who gets the blame when a country closes its doors to adoption, changes it regulations, or slows down in its adoptive placements? The consumer, who so carefully did his or her research, is left confused. They didn’t plan for all these unknowns.

This “unknown” aspect of the adoption process rattles consumeristic adoptive parents, who reel with frustration when they child they brought home “was not what I paid for/asked for.”

“While a small piece of adoption is about competence of services, getting correct information, and timely service,” writes Sheri’s caseworker, “enough of the process is open to unknowns that a family has to be trusting—and throw the consumerist model away.”

Readers, I’d love to hear your opinions about this topic.