Part 1 of 5

I enjoy reading adoption memoirs because they’re a nice break from the “how-to adopt” books that rehash the same material and the anthologies that contain heartwarming, yet sanitized glimpses into the lives of adoptive families.

Memoirs, too, often follow the same predictable formula: infertile-couple-wants-baby-journeys-to-X-country-brings-home-baby-lives-happily-ever-after. But once in a while, a memoir wows me. Theresa Reid’s Two Little Girls: A Memoir of Adoption by Theresa Reid has that wow factor.

Not Your Typical Memoir
While the storyline follows the typical memoir formula, Reid’s narrative offers an imperceptible quality most memoirs lack: it is painfully, joyously, nitty-gritty real. Not only does Reid relate her experiences of adopting from Russia and Ukraine in vivid (yet tasteful) detail, she delves into her conflicting feelings about infertility, adoption, and parenting.

I like the reviewer for The University of Chicago Magazine puts it: “In the standard adoption memoir, the only obstacles are external…Very few acknowledge the internal obstacles: the fact that you don’t fall in love at first sight, the fact that you’re not sure you’re going to love this child; the fact that you might be terrified.”

Reid’s intense emotional wrestling resonated with me; she tapped into the very heart of the anxieties parents feel as they investigate and pursue adoption and then, get acquainted with their child (I’ll detail several of her struggles in the next few posts).

I adopted domestically—not internationally, as Reid did—but her reflections struck a universal note. As I eagerly absorbed her highly-readable prose I experienced several “ah ha” moments of revelation concerning my own journey through adoption; Reid articulated the very feelings I’ve experienced time and again. Not wanting to miss a beat, I whizzed through most of the 297-page book in one sitting.

Imperialistic Americans?
While I thoroughly enjoyed this book, I’m willing to bet that it will receive mixed reviews. That’s because it’s a tad too honest for some people. When Reid and her husband reject not one, but two referrals because of concerns about the child’s health, I can just see some readers shaking their heads over what they perceive as the couple’s selfish, imperialistic attitudes.

I can hear the same outcry as the Reids bounce among agencies like ping pong balls, searching for an ethical adoption professional who will deliver them the child of their dreams in a timely manner.

I hear it again when Reid complains about their lodging in Ukraine: a decrepit, stifling apartment with no screens on the windows, no fans, no hot running water, and furniture that breaks when they barely breathe on it. Some readers will perceive Reid’s shock at their sub-standard living conditions as the rant of a wealthy, spoiled American who’s displaced from her comfort zone.

And in some ways, it is. But having traveled to a developing country myself, I related to Reid’s shell-shock, as, in her sleep-deprived, jet-lagged stupor, she’s thrust into an unfamiliar culture with no guarantee of returning home with the child she so desperately hopes to adopt.

Reads Like a Suspense Novel
While Reid’s Russian adoption story is fascinating, I found her Ukraine adoption story as riveting as any suspense novel. She chronicles a series of mishaps, delays and political wrangling guaranteed to widen the eyes of any prospective parent.

Some readers might “pooh-pooh” this narrative, saying, “Such horrific experiences could never happen to me.” I’ve got news for you: they can and they do, more often than you might imagine. I’ve heard a lot of adoption stories, and while many are smooth sailing, the vast majority encounters at least some glitches along the way.

Five-Star Rating
The details of Reid’s story may shock and discourage some from adopting. Maybe that’s a good thing, because adoptive parents need, above all, resilience and determination. Reid and her husband possess both qualities in abundance. As you read their story, you’ll agonize with them through every setback and celebrate with them through every small victory. I strongly recommend that Two Little Girls appear on every prospective parent’s “must read” list.

Other posts in this series:
Part 2: So You Want to Adopt a Healthy Infant

Part 3: Adopting Internationally So You Don't Have to Face Birth Parents

Part 4: The Myth of 'Love at First Sight'

Part 5: Motives for Adopting a Second Child

For more about Two Little Girls, visit http://theresareidbooks.com.