Nancy Clark, MFT, has written a series of books in fairy tale form for children who have experience trauma, grief, and loss.

So far in the series are: A Tale of Anger and Fear; A Tale of Loss and Impossible Dreams; and A Tale of Lies and Love.

Each of the books comes with a parent guide written by Dr. B. Bryan Post. From all I have been able to gather, the books are being used with children as young as nine. My background may not be in therapy, but it is in child development, and I think the books are far too dark.

Yes, terrible and unspeakable things happen to children. Yes, not every parent who gives birth to a child makes wise choices with regard to that child, or their own lifestyle, which might impact the life of their child or others around them. I know this series is meant to speak to the children who come from the most dire situations where abuse and neglect have ravaged them.

Yet, these books are terribly bleak. Here’s an example:

They [parents] were sorely neglectful not only with the giving of food but also in the giving of their love. As children, these parents had been raised in ignorance and poverty.

Though I think the focus is on children who have been severely abused or neglected, I can’t see how this series could be used in an open adoption, where contact is still being maintained with members of the birth family.

The snippets of “testimonials” talk about how their children love the series, yet I can’t see how. The language is pretty sophisticated for nine and ten year olds (some of the “testimonials” are from parents of this age group):

They [parents] had barely received adequate nurturing themselves and from early on had learned to only satisfy their own needs and desires.

Sophisticated language, and if I may say, rather inflammatory, too! I think there is a way to help children dissect and process what has occurred to them prior to placement or adoption, but these books clearly have a good guy/bad guy set up. See how the adoptive parents are painted:

Finally, one family, steadfast and pure, bravely stepped forward. They would take this boy in and raise him as their own.

I’m not thrilled about the things my children endured prior to their life with us. Thinking about their past life terrifies me (and them), and that life was dark and unpleasant at times. I do not minimize this. However, no one can change the facts: these children were born to other human beings who made choices, good or bad; wise or unwise, and these children are theirs biologically. We adopted them, and though we have a glowing homestudy that might indicate otherwise, we are not perfect people who walk on water.

I don’t like vilifying others in order to make myself appear to rise above the fray. There will come a time when my children will question their prior life. They do, and will, have anger about choices made. Their biological parents will have to answer for those things, perhaps. But, I am not going to paint that ugly picture.

People make choices based on many things: economics, resources, knowledge, education, extenuating or mitigating circumstances...even momentary emotional reactions. I like to live by the adage, “There, but for the grace of God, go I.”

Noted child psychologist, Bruno Bettelheim, in his landmark, The Uses of Enchantment, theorizes that dark fairy tales are necessary to help children give voice to the unspeakable fears they hold. That these tales are a way for those ideas they hold in their minds to come out in a way that doesn’t hurt anyone, and that in the cold light of day, dissipate. That may be so, but I don’t see this series as fulfilling that premise.

I can’t see The Forever Child series holding a place in my heart or my bookshelf. I laud their efforts in trying to create something a traumatized or abused child can use to help explain the many lingering questions they may have, but this isn’t it, in my opinion. I can’t crucify birthparents, even those who debase and degrade their children in ways unimaginable. That is not the job of an author, therapist, social worker or adoptive parent. Only One can, and will, judge – God.