Do not judge so that you will not be judged. For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' and behold, the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye. (Matthew 7:1-5, NASB)

If we’re honest with ourselves, we come to a lot of judgments in adoption. By the very fact that a woman has placed her child for adoption, we make a whole set of unspoken assumptions:

• She is unfit
• She probably has substance abuse problems
• She has put her own needs (in relationships, etc.) ahead of the needs of her children
• She can’t “get it together”

Adoptive parents usually get “backgrounders” – all of the pertinent info about the child’s health and upbringing to date. Sometimes we “read between the lines” a little too much, and see things that are not there.

The thing to remember is that we all make mistakes (Rom. 3:23). If we were perfect, we would not need the blood of Jesus to wash our sins away. John recorded the following story and it illustrates this point so beautifully:

The scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman caught in adultery, and having set her in the center of the court, they said to Him, "Teacher, this woman has been caught in adultery, in the very act. Now in the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women; what then do You say?” They were saying this, testing Him, so that they might have grounds for accusing Him. But Jesus stooped down and with His finger wrote on the ground. But when they persisted in asking Him, He straightened up, and said to them, “He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her”. Again He stooped down and wrote on the ground. When they heard it, they began to go out one by one, beginning with the older ones, and He was left alone, and the woman, where she was, in the center of the court. Straightening up, Jesus said to her, "Woman, where are they? Did no one condemn you?" She said, "No one, Lord." And Jesus said, "I do not condemn you, either. Go From now on sin no more." (John 8:3-11; NASB)

Did you notice why these “religious leaders” brought the woman to Jesus? Not because she did something to separate herself from God and they sought Jesus’ help in reconciling her to the Father. No! Our text says they did this to “test” Jesus, so they could accuse Him. They had a selfish, hidden agenda.

Do we? Isn’t it human nature to put another down so as to elevate ourselves? We may not consciously be doing this in adoption. But let’s face it, aren’t we fraught with doubts about ourselves and our parenting? Thinking that “at least I’m better than what my child had” may make us feel better, but isn’t productive for us, for our child, or for our soul.

For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may be recompensed for his deeds in the body, according to what he has done, whether good or bad. (2 Corinthians 5:10; NASB)

Each of us will answer to God for the things we have done. Frankly, I have enough to deal with in my own life, just trying to keep myself “pure and unspotted from the world” (James 1:27). I can’t keep tabs on someone else’s wrongs – real or perceived. (1 Peter 4:18)

So, when you find yourself drifting into “Judgment Junction” what should you do? I’ll leave you with a few more verses to ponder:

Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. (Philippians 4:8)

Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails; (1 Corinthians 13: 4-8a; NASB)