Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you tithe mint and dill and cummin, and have neglected the weightier provisions of the law: justice and mercy and faithfulness; but these are the things you should have done without neglecting the others. (Matthew 23:23; NASB)

The Pharisees were a legalistic sect bent on "being right" rather than "doing right". Because of this, they were soundly condemned by the Lord.

We have been at a plateau for a little over three months. The mother of the children we hope to adopt has yet to return the consent that will allow the adoption to go forward. Without going into a lot of confidential detail, we have three equally heart-breaking options:

Proceed without consent: Apparently, our particular case meets the legal requirement for maternal "abandonment." Due to the specifics of our case, paternal consent is not necessary per the adoption code for the state we are adopting from.

Transfer guardianship now: We can transfer the guardianship to us now, while pursuing the adoption, and proceed according to the laws of the state we reside in (versus the state they reside in).

Wait ... wait ... wait: Remain in our current holding pattern; limbo and all.

So, what to do?

We have real issues with proceeding without maternal consent. Due to their ages (5 and 4), our attorney (an adoptive father of four himself), feels strongly that they need a permanent home as soon as possible. However strongly we agree with this (and we do), we are pro-actively looking at the "bigger picture" in the long-haul. We are keeping the children's last names as their middle names, and hope to provide them with open access to their records, should they desire. For their self-esteem's sake, I do not want the word "abandonment" to appear in black and white (even though used as a "legal" term, it still packs an emotional wallop).

Further, since their mother has repeatedly expressed her verbal consent over the last seven months, and even stated a desire for a semi-open adoption, we want an inclusive, co-operative atmosphere, not an antagonistic one (where we've done the antagonizing, in particular!)

Additionally, "forcing the issue" could seem like we "took them away" from their mother (as seen through the eyes of a future teen trying to unravel the "whys" of it all).

Guardianship poses issues as well. First, the children must be uprooted from all they know and love for something that may or my not come to fruition. They may attach, and, if it falls through, then what? Secondly, our state laws are stricter than their home state laws, so we may as well wait - in fact, it could take longer.

So, we wait ... and waiting is hard! But because we know the mother desires this adoption, we want the "cleanest" route legally, and most important, emotionally, for all involved.

From snippets gleaned from our social worker, the delay is due more to inexperience, young age and lack of time as someone who works full time (this was the same scenario played out with the paperwork to place them in interim care). Since we know the delay is due to these factors, and not the dreaded "second thoughts" (though she is certainly entitled to them ... this is life-changing!), it is in the best interests of our children and their mother to ... wait.

I don't want to be a legalistic Pharisee ... I want to "do right" and for the right reasons.