Beyond Good Intentions: A Mother Reflects on Raising Internationally Adopted Children by Cheri Register (St. Paul, Minnesota, Yeong & Yeong Book Company, 2005).

Cheri Register is the American mother of two adult daughters, whom she adopted from Korea in 1980 and 1983, when her daughters were infants.

Her book, Beyond Good Intentions, is a first-person account of the risks of adopting. Register details ten pitfalls into which adoptive parents can easily slip.

Each chapter opens with an exaggerated scenario an adoptive family might encounter. The caricatures are not intended to demean, but rather, to prompt us to take a fresh look at some conventional wisdom Register wants to us to re-examine.

The book is a quick read – it took me 2 ˝ hours (including a 15-minute nap) and I’m a slow reader. Like many parents with grown children, Register’s retrospective is devoid of the starry-eyed innocence with which many parents enter adoption.

In some respects, her perspective seems almost jaded. Still, I found the book thought-provoking; it challenged some of my assumptions about integrating internationally adopted children into white families and into a predominately white culture.

The book isn’t directed specifically to U.S. adoptive parents, either. Register quotes from parents who live in several European countries, as well. Her advice to parents boils down to one theme: In order to help your child build a healthy identity, listen to him or her and give your child freedom and opportunities to explore and grow. Good parenting advice for any parent.

Her chapters are as follows:

Wiping Away Your Child’s Past
Hovering Over Your “Troubled” Child
Holding the Lid on Sorrow and Anger
Parenting on the Defensive
Believing Race Doesn’t Matter
Keeping Your Children Exotic
Raising Your Children in Isolation
Judging Your Country Superior
Believing Adoption Saves Souls
Appropriating Your Children’s Heritage

I particularly enjoyed the chapter on “Believing Race Doesn’t Matter” and was somewhat irked by “Believing Adoption Saves Souls.” In future posts, I’ll examine those chapters in more detail.