Do you ever watch videos on Youtube.com? This morning, an email from a friend directed me to a Youtube video of John Piper talking. He is discussing his opinion of adoption, which he feels is Biblically grounded, “Adoption is greater than the universe.” He explains himself thoroughly in about five minutes including quotes from the Bible to support his opinion. While I agree with his final directive, I am not in complete agreement with his interpretations. That’s all right though, because he is spreading... more

When people first heard we were adopting, I heard all sort of questions. Things like, "Why is the mother ‘giving them up’?" Or, "[The mom]’s not addicted to anything, right?" I suppose the need humans have to label things drives them to comment on things they have little knowledge of, to help them better understand something.

Yet, for those on the receiving end, it can be disconcerting. In my past, I have suffered from episodes of clinical depression. I heard things like, "If you had more faith"… or, "If you just prayed more". I can’t imagine anyone saying that to someone with cancer or in a wheelchair! I also suffered... more

In my book, The Adoption Decision (to be released Aug 1), I devote an extensive chunk of Chapter 1 to discussing creative ways to tell relatives and friends you’re planning to adopt.

There are several reasons people react with fear and trepidation to the adoption announcement, rather than the hoped-for enthusiasm:

Some people have biases against adoption based on negative experiences they’ve had or heard about. Some people have ingrained racist... more

When you announce your decision to adopt, you’ll experience a range of reactions from relatives and friends. I’ve talked with more than a few prospective adoptive parents who are afraid to announce their decision because they imagine their relatives will resent them for adopting.

In Carried Safely Home, Kristin Swick Wong pens her thoughts about making the adoption announcement:

Vulnerability first surfaced as we ventured to talk about our fledgling adoption to family... more

“Your son looks so much like you and your husband – he looks as if he could be part of your family.”

“He is part of our family,” I reply.

“You know what I mean,” says my new acquaintance.

I am silent. I know what’s coming.

“He resembles you so closely. You’d never know that he’s not your real child.”

Adoptive families are regularly assailed by acquaintances who make thoughtless remarks in the presence of our children. We can choose to ignore the remarks, make an angry retort, answer graciously or respond with a little sly humor.

One... more

I never tire of hearing people’s adoption stories. Whenever I meet someone who has a connection to adoption, I sense an instant camaraderie. We mutually share and enjoy one another’s stories, similar to the manner in which women share their tales of pregnancy and childbirth.

The best part is that we don’t have to explain things to one another. Among those who have traveled the adoption path, there’s an implicit understanding and empathy, even though every adoption story is as unique as the people who experience it. For those of us who are Christians, our adoption story is intricately melded with our faith journey.

Call for adoption stories

Please e-mail me your adoption... more

Educating Teachers About Adoption

In the previous post, I suggested that parents be careful not to turn their children into poster children for adoption. Another article from Adoptive Families,written by Lois Gilman, offers excellent tips for being proactive with your child’s teacher regarding lessons that focus on heredity, ethnic origin or genetics – assignments that require children “to come up with information that is missing, incomplete, or quite different from their peers.”

In my experience,... more

Five More Tips for Helping Your Children Become Comfortable with Adoption

In the previous post, I introduced five of Carrie Krueger’s “talking tips” for discussing adoption with your child. Here are the next five tips:

Don’t force your kids to become poster children for adoption. This is my favorite tip and one that all adoptive parents should heed. It is soooo tempting to want to tell everyone about adoption, particularly if you’re blessed with a wonderful situation. You may want to teach adoption awareness lessons in your child’s classroom or even, to lead a teacher in-service on adoption.

While these are wonderful things to do,... more

Five Tips for Helping Your Adopted Children Field Questions About Themselves

As I’ve pondered this whole “discussing adoption at school” issue, I’ve continued reading articles about the topic in Adoptive Families magazine.

In one article, Carrie Krueger provides 10 “talking tips” for preparing your child to discuss adoption. Here’s a summary of her first five tips:

Kids need to know that they don’t have to answer questions. When people ask intrusive questions, kids can just answer, “That’s just the way our family is,” or “I don’t care to discuss it.” These responses... more

Talking About Adoption in Middle School

As our kids have gotten older, I’ve encouraged them to decide for themselves when and if they want to reveal the fact that they were adopted at school.

A couple of months ago, I was the guest speaker in my son’s 7th grade writing class. My mission: to talk about my career as a freelance writer – a career in which I specialize in writing about adoption issues.

I approached my son and asked, “Do you feel comfortable with me revealing that you were adopted?”

He said, “Yeah. Sure. You can tell them. Maybe it will make me more popular” (typical response from a newly minted middle-schooler).

When... more