Doing it all again Continued from previous post

Two years after adopting Ben, we returned to the same adoption agency to try again. It seemed like a repeat of our first scenario, which had included getting “chosen” a week after we turned in our paperwork and bringing home a baby two weeks after that (see Parts 4-7 of this series for details).

A week after we turned in our profile, we received a call that we’d been chosen by a 19-year-old. Coincidentally, she lived in the same city as we did. Her due date was in one month.

When we met for dinner, she told us that her pregnancy was a result of a brief relationship she’d had with a military... more

The Great Pickling Caper Continued from previous post

Time kind of got away from us during the pickling process, and suddenly, it was time to pick up our son’s birth mom. My sister-in-law and I jumped in the car with Ben and drove to the birth mom’s workplace.

“You wait in the car while I go up and talk with her and explain why we’re late,” I instructed.

I zipped up to her office, where she was waiting for me. We chatted for a few minutes and I explained the pickle dilemma. Then I casually said, “Oh, by the way, Ben’s out in the car. Would you like to see him?”

Her face turned deathly pale. But after taking a few deep breaths,... more

Re-establishing Contact Continued from previous post

During the frenetic exchange of letters between our son’s birth mom and me (my husband basically handed over the letter-writing privilege to me and threw in comments every once in a while), we developed a trusting friendship.

One day, my husband and I had a little discussion: “This is really ridiculous. What are we afraid of? She’s the nicest person in the world. We love her. Let’s see if she wants to bag this semi-open adoption business.”

We sent a letter directly to her (somehow, we’d gotten access to her last name and address when one of her letters didn’t get correctly repackaged... more

Moving Towards Openness Continued from previous post

During the first two years of baby Ben’s life, God taught us a great deal about love, friendship, and relationships.

Our son’s birthmom, who loved to write as much as I did, requested lots of letters, pictures and videotapes. I was happy to oblige. The staff at our adoption agency must have been ripping their hair out over all the letters and packages that flowed in an endless stream between the two of us (because we had a semi-open adoption, our agency served as an intermediary – opening all letters and packages, repackaging them with the agency’s address, and forwarding them).

I... more

The Homecoming Continued from previous post

As we soaked in the news that we had a baby waiting for us on the other side of the Atlantic (kind of an international adoption in reverse), we alternately felt euphoric and panicked.

“We’ve got to get home and pick up our baby. NOW!” I shouted.

“Wait a minute,” cautioned my husband. “Today is Friday. His birth parents just signed the relinquishment papers, which means that the documentation has to go to court on Monday. There’s no way we’ll be able to bring him home until Monday. And just how far are we from Heathrow airport?”

I pondered that. We were in Wales, at least a full day’s... more

The Big Meeting Continued from previous post

We entered the restaurant and there, in living color, stood a very pregnant young woman and her counselor. The young woman didn’t say much, but had a nervous laugh. We all did, I’m sure. A few minutes later, her boyfriend showed up, and we all settled down to dinner.

I won’t reveal too many details of that dinner other than to say that it was as nerve-wracking as any job interview, and with a lot more at stake. For everyone. And yet a sense of peace seemed to enfold all of us – a sense of rightness.

My husband and I left feeling excited and hopeful. The birthparents left feeling sad, because... more

The Waiting Phase Continued from previous post

We started our paperwork in May and turned in a draft of our “Dear Birthparent” letter in mid-July. Adoption professionals tell me that it takes most people 2-4 months on average, to complete the homestudy.

Then the wait begins! We had everything all planned out – we would turn in a draft of our “Dear Birthparent” letter in July, get feedback on it during the next month or so, then revise it and turn in a final draft in September. We expected that a birth mother would “choose” us somewhere around November and that she’d give birth in May, just in time for the end of the school year... more

Working With Your Adoption Agency Continued from previous post

Once we selected the agency we wanted to work with, we began filling our paperwork, otherwise known as the adoption home study. We filled out an initial application and paid an application fee. Once our initial application was approved, we completed an in depth application.

Questions, questions We had several interviews with our caseworker, both individually and as a couple. At the time, it seemed as if we answered, in detail, just about every question anyone could ever think of to ask about our personal lives, upbringing, relationship, faith, projected parenting... more

The Agency Selection Phase Continued from previous post

After collecting information packets, my husband and I weeded through the pile and eliminated agencies we weren’t interested in. We narrowed our choices to three agencies that sounded like a good fit, and began attending orientation sessions at those agencies.

Attend orientations All agencies worth their salt offer monthly free orientation workshops (some charge a small fee) that anyone can attend, whether or not you are a client. I highly recommend attending one or more orientations, because you’ll get a good feel for the agency, its personnel, its philosophy and... more

The Financing Phase Continued from previous post

For my husband and I, the question, “Can we afford to adopt?” was a biggie. We adopted in the pre-Federal Adoption Tax Credit days, so there was absolutely no financial assistance available to us.

We looked for an agency that offered a sliding fee payment schedule based on our total gross income for the previous tax year. For agencies that offered only flat fees, we inquired about what every single fee covered, whether there were any “hidden” fees, and when fees were expected to be paid.

Important note: You should NEVER have to pay the bulk of your adoption fees until... more